Randy: [from the trailer] There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.
Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy: Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. What's yours?
Sydney: [Answering the phone] Hello?
Phone Voice: Hello Sydney remember me?
Sydney: What do you want?
Phone Voice: I want you, it's showtime!
Sydney: Then why don't you show your face you fucking coward!
[Hangs up phone]
Phone Voice: My pleasure!
[Suddenly enters the room and lunges out at her]
Film Teacher: You could say that what happened in that theatre was a direct result of the movie itself.
Cici: That is so Moral Majority. You can't blame real life violence on entertainment.
Film Class Guy #1: Yes you can. Don't you ever watch the news?
Film Class Guy #2: Hello? The murderer was wearing a ghost
mask just like in the movie. It's directly responsible.
Cici: No, it's not. Movies are not responsible for our actions.
Mickey: Its a classic case of life, imitating art, imitating life.
Film Class Mopey Girl: Its not hypothetical, it's not about art. I had biology with that girl. This is reality.
Randy: Thank you. I agree with you. Let me tell you about reality, Mickey. I lived through this, okay? Life is life. It doesn't imitate anything.
Mickey: Oh come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obviously patterned himself after two serial killers who were immortalized on film.
Film Class Guy #2: Thank you!
Film Teacher: So, you're suggesting that someone is trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who would wanna do that? Sequels suck! Oh please, please! By definition alone, sequels are inferior films!
Mickey: It's bullshit generalization. Many sequels have surpassed their originals.
Randy: Oh yeah?
Cici: Name one.
Film Class Guy #1: Aliens. Far better than the first.
Cici: Yeah, well, there's no accounting for taste.
Randy: Thank you. Ridley Scott Rules. Name another.
Film Class Guy #2: No way. Aliens is a classic. "Get away from her, you bitch!"
Randy:
I believe the line is "Stay away from her, you bitch." This is a film class right?
Film Class Guy #2: Got you. Whatever. You know what I mean.
Randy: Name another.
Mickey: T-2.
Cici: You got a hard-on for Cameron.
Randy: A big one.
[answering phone]
Sydney: Hello? Hello?
Phone Voice: Hello Sidney.
Sydney: Yes?
Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Sydney: Who is this?
Phone Voice: You tell me.
Sydney: [picks up caller ID] Cory Gillis, 555-0176.
Phone Voice: Shit!
Sydney: Hot flash Cory...
Phone Voice: Shit!
Sydney: ...prank calls are a criminal offense prosecuted under penal code 653M.
[caller hangs up]
Sydney: Hope you enjoyed the movie.
Randy: Oh yeah? We'll lets re-direct the moment Mr. I'm So Original. Where's your motivation? Huh? Why copy yourself off of two high school loser ass dickheads? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag. And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the fuck? Jesus! Talk about a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson,
Bundie, O.J, Son of...
Film Class Guy #1: No way. The first Terminator is historical.
Randy: Yeah... Sarah Connor. Yes.
[shoots]
Film Class Guy #2: Alright, alright. House II: The Second Story.
[class hits him]
Randy: The entire horror genre was destroyed by sequels.
Mickey: I got it, by the
way. I got it. Godfather Part II.
Randy: [as Marlon Brando] That's very good. Very good. That's an Oscar winning exception.
Dewey: How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively manuever within any given situation?
Joel: Look, granted, I should've read your book before I took this job, but I'm reading it now and, whoa! I just read what happened to your last camera man. The guy got gutted. Now I'm gonna do what any rational human being would do and that is to get the fuck outta here.
Gale: First of all, he wasn't gutted; I made that part up... his throat was slashed.
Joel: Gale, gutted, slashed, the guy ain't in the union no more.