32 Road Trip Quotes (2024)

Road Trip

E.L.: Did you kill a cheetah?

Road Trip

Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, that's why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy it would just be the way.

Road Trip

Rubin: This is sort of an unusual question, but do you have any marijuana I might be able to buy from you? Our car exploded last night and I'm practically all out of my own.
Motel Clerk: Am I a drug dealer? No, I am not. Thank you for asking, though.
Rubin: No? OK. That's OK. Thanks.
Motel Clerk: Is there

anything else I can help you with? Perhaps you'd like an 11-year old prostitute sent to your room. We can do that. Or maybe we can off someone for you. Huh? How's that sound? I've got it. Why don't we start small? Would you like a fresh towel? Maybe you could roll that up and smoke it.
Rubin: [sotto, walking away] Dick.
Motel Clerk: By the way,

Cheech, that credit card you guys gave me last night was maxed out, so don't go spending all your cash on needles and guns just yet.

Road Trip

Barry: [singing] Tiny salmon swimming in a stream / Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream / The mynah bird says, "Caw. Ca-Caw" / The chimpanzee says, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" / The friendly owl says, "Hoo, hoo-hoo" / But the salmon can only say, "Bloobloobloobloo. Blooboloobloobloo. Blooboloobolooooo-Blooblooo-Bloobloobloo." / And it's sad.

Road Trip

E.L.: Barry, hit the lights. It's boner time!

Road Trip

Barry: [Barry attempts to convince the snake to eat a mouse] Unleash the fury!

Road Trip

E.L.: Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day.

Road Trip

E.L.: Did I say two? Better make it three.

Road Trip

Beth: Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?

Road Trip

Frat member: [Holding up a white hood] Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
Josh: Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.
Kyle: That's not mine!
Josh: OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
Frat member: There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.
Kyle: [faints]

Road Trip

Barry: Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?

Road Trip

Corky the Dog: Hey, Old man... I got the fuckin' munchies real bad... what about you?

Road Trip

Corky the Dog: Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes... Right now.

Road Trip

E.L.: You're already cheating! Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself.

Road Trip

E.L.: I thought I told you to mail this yesterday?
Rubin: Yeah, I posted it this morning.
E.L.: [Josh watches for a second, then the reality hits him] OH FUCK!
[Josh scrabbles on the floor for the video]
E.L.: W-w-w-wait a second. Tell me you mailed the Beth tape to Tiffany.
[Josh nods]

E.L.: Yes!
Josh: Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Barry: Hey, hey.
Josh: What?
Barry: Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy we could watch the copy.

Road Trip

Student in the Tour: Girls don't just walk around naked.
Barry: Uh, yeah they do.

Road Trip

E.L.: What else am I supposed to do, stay here and learn?

Road Trip

[First Line]
Barry: Welcome to the University of Ithica. This is it, right here. This is what we're talkin about. I'm gonna give you a good tour today. Show you as much, as much as you need to know, plus a, plus a whole lt more actually. So this is the main area of the University. You'll be getting used to this area. This is sort of where you congregate with your friends

and classmates. Come in around me everyone, come in around me. Don't straggle. We've had prblems... I've had problems with stragglers before, okay? They get lost in the back. They get hit by trucks, okay? It's not pretty, It's not pretty when it happens. This is the uh... By the way this is the Joseph H. Nelson library here, okay? It was built in the, uh... 1600s.
Student in the

Tour: 1600s? It says 1951.
[snickering]
Barry: [Turns & looks, faces group] That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass.

Road Trip

E.L.: Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.
Kyle: That makes no sense.
E.L.: Hey, don't look at me Kyle, OK, I didn't make up

the rules.
Rubin: No no, this is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.
E.L.: Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too

wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.