Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Diana: I just want to be upfront and say I visually enjoy you.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Diana: Dawn Budgie... That's a terrible fucking name.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: Do you know what a sociopath is?
Diana: Do they like ribs?

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Julian: [having just been shot] You know what, you're crazy!
Skiptracer: Yep. Diagnosed and everything.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Bartender: These aren't your friends. They like you because you're buying them drinks. People like you don't have friends.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: I said no jewelry.
Diana: Oh, were you serious?
Sandy Patterson: Yeah.
Diana: You've got to work on your tone.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: You're diabolical.
Diana: Thank you.
Sandy Patterson: That's not a compliment.
Diana: I know.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: Friends don't steal friends' identities, do they?

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: Now, I have allotted us each $8 per meal, so it looks like you can get one of the...
[gets attention from the Waitress]
Sandy Patterson: One of the salads or a soup or...
[to the waitress]
Sandy Patterson: Sorry, I'm quick. The tomato soup for me, please. That'll do.
Diana: I'm

gonna take a full slab of the baby backs, and I'm going to take that with mashed taters, hushpuppies, and I'm going get a... I'm going to have sweet tea.
Sandy Patterson: The fuck you are.
Diana: [chuckles] I don't know what that means.
Sandy Patterson: I asked you to eat less food.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

[the Truck-Stop Server puts her thump in Sandy's soup then eats some of his soup]
Truck-Stop Server: Enjoy your soup. And if you have to pee, the lady's room is right back there.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Diana: [In front of Sandy and Trish's preschool-aged daughters, during visitation] Some of these dykes are still really getting up into my sweet junk, but I don't let 'em.
Trish Patterson: Um, girls, "s-sweet junk" is just...
Sandy Patterson: ...dessert. She's having a problem in the mess hall.

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

[Paul speaks with Marisol from prison on telephone, demanding to know whether Diana was caught]
Paul: Did you get her?
Marisol: Almost.
Paul: "Almost"? Okay, then I *almost* WON'T kill you when I get out of here!

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Marisol: Diana! Open the fucking door!

Identity Thief
Identity Thief

Sandy Patterson: Hi. Good morning. Something wrong with pump five. It's not taking my card.
[Luis swipes card]
Sandy Patterson: Thanks.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: [Speaks Spanish to hearing device and then turns to Sandy] You don't pay your bills, man. I gotta cut the card.
Sandy Patterson: Cut the

card. No, I absolutely pay my bills. Run it one more time. Nothing wrong with that card.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: That's not what it says right here.
Sandy Patterson: I don't care what the screen says. Maybe it's broken. I'll go somewhere else. You're not cutting that card.
[Luis speaks Spanish once more]
Sandy

Patterson: Cutting the card? That's ridiculous. Tell you what, I'll go somewhere else.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: You go somewhere else? Look, that's my papi. He owns this store. He says cut the card.
Sandy Patterson: Señor...
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: If you don't pay your bills...
Sandy

Patterson: My bills are paid.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: Oh, your bills are paid. I gotta cut the card.
Sandy Patterson: Do not cut the card.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: I'm gonna cut the card.
[he cuts the card]
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: I just cut the card. Go pay your

bills, Randy.
Sandy Patterson: It's Sandy.
Luis the Gas Station Attendant: Sandy?
[mocks in Spanish]