Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
