Jamie: Why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?
Dylan: They do, it's called porn.
Dylan: Breasts.
Jamie: Really? I think they're so tiny.
Dylan: They're still breasts.
Jamie: Thank you!
Dylan: Why do women think the only way to get men to do what they want is to manipulate them?
Jamie: History, personal experience, romantic comedies.
Jamie: Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A.
[Everybody boos him]
Jamie: He's the reason I can afford all this beer!
[Everybody cheers him]
Taxi Driver: Welcome to New York! Go and fuck a dick!
Jamie: Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made?
Dylan: It's not. T-Mobile. Two years. And fuck do I regret that one!
Jamie: Oh... my butt.
Dylan: What?
Jamie: My butt!
Dylan: Really?
Jamie: No! My butt is cramping. Can you grab a pillow?
Dylan: [puts a pillow in her low back] So... there is not butt?
Jamie: NO.
Dylan: [after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair] I'm your boss! Give me your pants!
Jamie: I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love.
[sees posters for "The Ugly Truth" on a wall]
Jamie: Shut up, Katherine Heigl, you stupid, little liar!
Kayla: John fucking Mayer!
[repeated line]
Tommy: Still not gay?
Jamie: I have the perfect body for Photoshop. This
[face]
Jamie: gets more angular, these
[legs]
Jamie: get longer and this
[nose]
Jamie: gets way more Christian.
Kayla: Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay.
Lorna: Bananas in the refrigerator? What are you, Puerto Rican?
[from trailer]
Tommy: The babies you two are gonna have. Those things are gonna get *really* big and then *really* small.
Jamie: We're not together.
Tommy: That was a highly inappropriate series of comments and I apologize.
[Tommy leaps over a wall into the Hudson River, and Dylan finds out...]
Dylan: You have a boat?
Tommy: I live in Jersey. I ain't taking no ferry... Unless it's out to dinner and a show.
Dylan: So, it's always just about sex, then?
Tommy: No... I've been in love. I went down that rabbit hole.
