There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.
You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.
I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.
I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something.
I love reviews. Anybody who tells you they don't read reviews is a liar.
I think I have more humour in me than anger. But those two things are great bed-fellows, performance-wise.
I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me.
I like being talked about. I think some people really don't... because they're secure enough and they don't need that.
My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting.
There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful.
Betty White is probably a very nice woman.
I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do.
I don't think I'm gonna die tomorrow or even two weeks from now, or even ever. I just don't know - who the hell knows what's gonna happen to them? Nobody! Isn't that comforting? Nobody has a clue. I like that we don't know. And I like that it's somebody else's decision, not mine.
I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy.
I tell the truth, and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. My dad used to say to me, 'If you tell the truth all day long, you will end up in jail.'
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be.
The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect.
I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love.
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.
