Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: Oh, you look too young to have gone to medical school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They are Ph.D.'s, three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an

eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute.
[pause]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Special Agent Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the physics mistakes?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek,

especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Right.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: You've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.
Derek Morgan: I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius.
Penelope Garcia: Well, gorgeous, you've been re-routed to the office of Too Frickin'

Bad.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Garcia: [Aaron's brother Sean emerges angrily from Aaron's office. Garcia, Elle, and J.J. are watching] That's him.
Elle Greenway: THAT'S Aaron Hotch's brother?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Sorry, I just don't see it.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [Aaron appears at the door of his office] Sean, all I'm saying is, you're 25

years old. It's normal for people in your position to seek alternatives...
Sean Hotchner: You know what? DON'T profile me Aaron!
Sean Hotchner: [Sean continues to storm away]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Now, I can see it...

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: How's it having Gideon around?
Penelope Garcia: You can have him back whenever you would like.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Jason Gideon: [Hotch is commenting about Garcia to Gideon] Garcia?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Penelope...? The tech with the glasses...?
Jason Gideon: The room... the one with all the screens?
[Hotch nods]
Jason Gideon: I like her. She's great.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Oracle of Quantico - speak if you deign to hear truth!

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Office of Unfettered Omniscience - how may I help you, O fortunate one?

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: Rainmaker, how wet do you want it?

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Special Agent Jason Gideon: Confucius once said, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: All hail the goddess of information.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Wheels up in 30.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Fount of all Knowledge, check my flow!

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Derek Morgan: [to Garcia] Hey, Baby Girl

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Michael Russo: Look, I don't speak smartass.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Cheryl Davenport: This job... how do you stomach it?
Elle Greenway: The people I go after are cowards. They often prey upon the weaker members of society, such as women and children. There is nothing I would rather do than put the bastards away.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds

Elle Greenway: [Morgan walks in, startles Elle] Dude!
Derek Morgan: Dude? You're *way* too tense.