Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
Vladislav: Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!
Viago: What are you bidding on?
Vladislav: I am bidding on a table.
Deacon: One day I was selling my wares, and I walked past this old, creepy castle, and I look at it and think, "'Very old and creepy". And then this creature flies at me! It dragged me back to this dark dungeon, and bit into my neck. And just at the point of death... this creature forced me to suck its foul blood. And then it opened it's wings, like this, and hovered above me
screeching, "Now... You are vampire!" And it was Petyr. And we're still friends today.
Vladislav: What are you doing tonight? Are you going to kill some perverts?
Child Vampire: Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
Vladislav: Cool.
Stu: I work for a company that... Basically, we take like business requirements from organizations, then we analyze those requirements, and then we build software to fit those requirements.
Pauline Ivanovich, The Beast: He is a virgin. He is a virgin!
Vampire Witch: I can smell a virgin from a thousand paces.
Deacon: Go on then. Go a thousand paces away and smell yourselves!
Viago: I really hope that those guys don't kill those police, because it will mean more police will come. Possibly even Christians, which is totally the last thing we need in this house.
Vladislav: I go for a look which I call dead but delicious.
Deacon: This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese,
swans. Or simply dying of old age. But even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die. No, if I know Stu, this was probably the way he wanted to go. Disembowelled by werewolves. Blood
and guts splayed onto the trees. His face torn to shreds.
[pause]
Deacon: I hope I made you feel better.
Stu: [browsing the Internet] If we push "images" then we can see pictures of virgins.
Vladislav, Viago, Deacon: Oh yes.
Vladislav: I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that.
Viago: Deacon. How was your night, last night?
Deacon: I transformed into a dog and had sex.
Viago: Cool!