What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Viago: Yeah some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, 'Oooh, those are some nice pants!'.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!
Viago: What are you bidding on?
Vladislav: I am bidding on a table.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Anton, werewolf: [to all the werewolves] What are we? We're...
[All, together]
Anton, werewolf: We're Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Stu: [Showing the vampires Google] Anything you want to find you type it in.
Viago: I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
Deacon: Yes, now Google it.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Jackie: You were a virgin when we were seeing each other.
Nick: Yeah, I was twelve.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Deacon: One day I was selling my wares, and I walked past this old, creepy castle, and I look at it and think, "'Very old and creepy". And then this creature flies at me! It dragged me back to this dark dungeon, and bit into my neck. And just at the point of death... this creature forced me to suck its foul blood. And then it opened it's wings, like this, and hovered above me

screeching, "Now... You are vampire!" And it was Petyr. And we're still friends today.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: What are you doing tonight? Are you going to kill some perverts?
Child Vampire: Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
Vladislav: Cool.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy... Maybe one camera guy.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Viago: Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. They think, "What's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy four times her age?"

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Stu: I work for a company that... Basically, we take like business requirements from organizations, then we analyze those requirements, and then we build software to fit those requirements.
Pauline Ivanovich, The Beast: He is a virgin. He is a virgin!
Vampire Witch: I can smell a virgin from a thousand paces.

Deacon: Go on then. Go a thousand paces away and smell yourselves!

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: We should get some slaves!

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Deacon: When you are a vampire you become very... sexy.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Viago: I really hope that those guys don't kill those police, because it will mean more police will come. Possibly even Christians, which is totally the last thing we need in this house.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: I go for a look which I call dead but delicious.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: We're vampires, we don't put down towels.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Vladislav: He was an 18th century dandy, so he can be very fussy.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Deacon: This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese,

swans. Or simply dying of old age. But even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die. No, if I know Stu, this was probably the way he wanted to go. Disembowelled by werewolves. Blood

and guts splayed onto the trees. His face torn to shreds.
[pause]
Deacon: I hope I made you feel better.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Stu: [browsing the Internet] If we push "images" then we can see pictures of virgins.
VladislavViagoDeacon: Oh yes.
Vladislav: I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that.

What We Do in the Shadows
What We Do in the Shadows

Viago: Deacon. How was your night, last night?
Deacon: I transformed into a dog and had sex.
Viago: Cool!