The Visit
The Visit

Grandma: Would you mind getting inside the oven to clean it?

The Visit
The Visit

Grandma: YAHTZEE!

The Visit
The Visit

Mom: Those aren't your grandparents...

The Visit
The Visit

Grandpa: [when he's caught with a gun] I was just cleaning it.

The Visit
The Visit

Grandpa: [to Tyler] I never liked you anyway.

The Visit
The Visit

Becca: Mom, there's something wrong with Nana and Pop Pop.
Mom: They're just OLD!

The Visit
The Visit

Tyler: Any other crazy bitch-ass fucking people here?

The Visit
The Visit

Grandma: I'm gonna get you!

The Visit
The Visit

Becca: It's Hasbro, not Milton Bradley, that makes Yahtzee now, Grandpa.
Tyler: [trying desperately to smooth things over] Well, I'M having fun!

The Visit
The Visit

Grandma: Why are your pants so low?
Tyler: I rap.
Becca: It's a form of modern poetry... if you give him a topic, he'll extemporaneously rhyme on the subject. His stage nom de plume is "T-Diamond Stylus." Go ahead, Nana, give him anything!
Grandma: Is food okay? I like food.
Becca:

Yeah. Of course!
Grandma: How about... pineapple upside-down cake?
Tyler: Yeah... sure, why not? Okay... mmm-hmm! Okay! Got it. Okay... the girls, they like me, they think I'm sweet like candy! One girl looked at me like I was a Hershey bar! Her name was Angie, and a few tall girls, they just looked at me blankly! So here's the thing you got to

understand about me, I got more rhymes than a beehive has bees! So it didn't surprise, confuse or make me say "For heaven's sake", when a Hawaiian girl with a balance disorder said "You remind me of a pineapple upside-down cake"! Ho!

The Visit
The Visit

Becca: [to the camera] I can't sleep. I need Nana's cookies. I'm gonna turn a personal addiction into a positive cinematic moment.

The Visit
The Visit

Grandpa: You're blind... you're blind. I am the exposer. I am a seer. I see the veiny, deformed... face of the world.

The Visit
The Visit

Tyler: [Tyler finds a fly-ridden heap of dirty diapers on a table in the shed] Holy SHIT! Holy Mother of Sarah McLachlan! Nana... what the HELL?

The Visit
The Visit

Tyler: Nothing can scare me!
Becca: Yeah, right!
Tyler: [sees something scary] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Visit
The Visit

Conductor: You a film prodigy? You know, I used to be a pretty good actor.
Becca: Oh, my camera light's blinking!
Conductor: I am disgraced, impeached and baffled here!
Becca: Battery pack is low!
Conductor: Pierced to the soul with slander's venomed spear!

Becca: Oh, oh, unfortunately, I'm just going to have to shut the camera off!

The Visit
The Visit

[first lines]
Mom: At the end of high school, I fell in love with a substitute English teacher. It was quite a scandal. Corin didn't start out a bad guy, though. We were together about 10 years and we had two kids. And then he fell in love with someone in a Starbucks, and moved to Palo Alto, California. Kind of severed relations with the three of us. My parents, if I were

defending them, which I'm not, had said, back in the day, that he had an "impatient eye."They didn't like him. Week I left, things escalated. My parents cursed at me, which was, like, crazy unusual. And it ended, one afternoon, very badly. I left at 19, haven't spoken to my parents in 15 years. Whatever. That's just the history.
Mom: Recently, my parents looked me up on the

Internet. Asked to meet their grandchildren. Spend a week with them. I looked my parents up, they have a counseling website. People love them. Ironically, they counsel people, which is a hoot. Whatever. I told the kids. They said they wanted to go. I told them I didn't want them to go. They said they were gonna go anyway. They're brats. What can I tell you? And my 15-year-old wants to make a

documentary about this.
Becca: [from off-screen] Wait, wait, wait. Go back. Um, describe the events on the day you left your parents' farm at 19.
Mom: I did something I don't choose to tell you. If they choose to tell you, that's their right. Okay? I want to do this for you. Listen, they're good people. Ask them. Can I be done with my part? I still

got to get you guys packed.