The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! Quotes

Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.
Frank: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's *my* policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production

of "Julius Caesar", you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones.

[Frank is interrogating Nordberg about the source of his incident, while Nordberg is only partly conscious from anesthesia, which Frank is incompetently unaware of]
Frank: Nordberg, it's me, Frank. Now, who did this to you?
Det. Nordberg: [Struggling to tell the name of the ship he was attacked on] I... Love... You.
Frank:

[Awkwardly] I... love you, too, Nordberg. Who were they?
Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] Ship... boat.
Frank: That's right, Nordberg. A boat. Now, when you're better, we'll go sailing together on a boat. We'll take a cruise just like last year.
Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] No... Drugs...
Frank:

Hey, Nurse! Quick! Give this man some drugs! Quick! Can't you see he's in pain? Give him a shot quickly!
[nurse administers drugs]
Det. Nordberg: No... no...
[pulls Frank towards him]
Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] Heroin... Heroin, Frank!
Frank: Uh, Nordberg... that's a pretty tall order. You're gonna have to

give me a couple of days on that one.

[Nordberg is being visited in the hospital by his wife, Wilma, along with Frank and Ed, after Nordberg had barely survived a massive gunfire by a group of ruffians. Wilma is taking the unfortunate circumstance pretty hard, and with no help from Frank's blunt assumptions and remarks about the situation]
Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He

never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Ed: It's hard to tell.
Frank: [being blunt] A roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...
[Wilma sobs]
Ed: Frank, get a hold of yourself!
Frank: A good cop, needlessly cut down and ambushed by some cowardly hoodlum.

Ed: That's no way for a man to die.
Frank: [being blunt] Ah, you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!
Mrs. Nordberg: [Wilma sobs again] Oh... Frank! Oh, this is terrible!

Ed: Don't you worry, Wilma. Your husband is going to be all right. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: [being blunt] He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma sobs again]
Ed: What I'm trying to say is that,

Wilma, as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: [being blunt] Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense.
[Wilma sobs again]

Frank: [sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight's last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket's red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag

banner wave / Over a-a-all that's free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!

[Frank recalls a prior love]
Frank: I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I

bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.