[last lines]
Grandpa: One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.
Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!
Sam Emerson: Death by stereo!
Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You *have* a TV?
Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.
Max: It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. Just like one big, happy family. Your boys... and my boys.
Edgar Frog: Great! The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch!
Alan Frog: [after Laddie vamps out] Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster!
David: How are those maggots?
Michael Emerson: Huh?
David: Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires.
Sam Emerson: Fine, stay here.
Edgar Frog: [Looks around, clearly scared] We do now.
Alan Frog: Yeah.
David: Now you know what we are, now you know what you are. You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But you must feed!
Max: Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless.
Sam Emerson: Did you know that?
Edgar Frog: Of course. Everyone knows that.
Grandpa: Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me.
David: It is too late, my blood is in your veins.
Michael Emerson: So is mine!
Edgar Frog: I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them.
David: [after tricking Michael to see worms in the Chinese carton] They're only noodles Michael.
Sam Emerson: [about Star] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?
[Star floats up]
Sam Emerson: She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike.
David: What, you don't like rice? Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong?
Edgar Frog: Listen, just so you know, if you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it!
Sam Emerson: Chill out, Edgar.
Edgar Frog: [coming to his senses] Right.
Sam Emerson: Don't kill me, Mike. I'm basically a good kid.
