The Lego Batman Movie Quotes

Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?
Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.
Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and

2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?
Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a

million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning.

[first lines]
Batman: [voice over] Black. All important movies start with a black screen... And music... Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros. Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know... DC... The house that Batman built. Yeah, what, Superman? Come at me, bro. I'm your

Kryptonite... Hmm... Not sure what RatPac does, but that logo is macho. I dig it... Okay. Get yourself ready for some... reading. "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo." No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie.

[from trailer]
Robin: What?
[Sees Batcave]
Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-!
[Bumps into Batman]
Robin: Batman, woah!
Batman: You're darn right, woah!
Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?

Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.

The Joker: [from trailer] You wanna play games, do you Batman? Save the city or catch your greatest enemy!
Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Who else drives you to one-up them the way I do?
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!

Batman: I like to fight around.
The Joker: You're seriously saying that there's nothing special about us?
Batman: There is no "us". Never will be.

The Joker: [Continuing to list villains] Mr. Freeze, Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser, Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula, King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth, March Harriet, Zodiac Master, Gentlemen Ghost, Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite Man, Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King!
Pilot Bill: Okay, are you making some of those up?
The Joker:

Nope, they're all real. Probably worth a Google.

The Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?
Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.
The Joker: [Confused] What?
Batman: As in "relationships." There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need

anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.

[from trailer]
Batman: Hey, 'puter, I'm home.
[echoes]
Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music. So, did anything exciting happened today?
Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.
Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in

the fridge.
Batman: Oh, that's my favorite. I can't wait.
[Batman puts the lobster in the microwave, and mistakenly sets it up for 20 minutes]
Batman: Not 20 minutes. Stupid.
[He sets it up for 2 minutes and presses the start button as the microwave heats up Batman's lobster for 2 minutes]

Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.
Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?
Robin: Robin.
Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch

phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.
Batman: Hard pass.
Robin: And a song.
[singing]
Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.
Batman: Harder pass.