55 The Hangover Part II Quotes (2024)

The Hangover Part II

Stu Price: YOU'RE THE BEARDED DEVIL!
Alan: You liked it! You smiled at me when I held up the bag of marshmallows!
Stu Price: BECAUSE I LIKE MARSHMALLOWS, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!

The Hangover Part II

Mr. Chow: Oh, you are having a bad day. Did you die?

The Hangover Part II

Stu Price: [to the lyrics of "Allentown"] Well, we're living here in Alan Town / And he's driven our lives into the ground / When we woke up we were wasted and drunk / Phil got shot... / We got beaten by a monk... / I was happy and my life was good / Getting married like a dentist should / Roasting marshmallows on a stick / I got fucked in the ass... / By a girl with a dick...

Alan: Ha ha ha, I remember that.
Stu Price: And we're living here in Alan Town / But they're taking Teddy's finger now... / And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit /... and shoot Alan in the face /... and shoot myself.
Alan: You totally butchered that song.
Stu Price: You totally butchered my life.

The Hangover Part II

Alan: My uncle Roger says he saw an albino polar bear once.
Stu Price: Really? Polar bears are white, how did he know it was albino?
Alan: This one was black.
Stu Price: Uh, are you sure it wasn't a black bear?
Alan: [after thinking] Whatevs.

The Hangover Part II

Stu Price: Woah! Here's the deal man, I got a dark side. There's a demon in me.
Alan: It's true, he has semen in him.
Stu Price: I said demon.
Alan: But you also have semen in you remember, from the...
Stu Price: It's not relevant, but thank you Alan.

The Hangover Part II

Alan: [confused upon seeing a naked hermaphrodite] I don't get it. Is this a magic show?

The Hangover Part II

Phil: Your password is baloney1?
Mr. Chow: Well, used to be just baloney, but now they make you add number.

The Hangover Part II

Mr. Chow: What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book.

The Hangover Part II

Mr. Chow: I do blow all night. Monkey jerk me off while I watch Stu make fuck with lady-boy.

The Hangover Part II

Kimmy: There is a reason its called Bangkok, sweetie.

The Hangover Part II

Kimmy: This one was following me like little puppy dog all around, all night, saying that he fall in love with me, asked to marry me.
Alan: Classic Stu.
Kimmy: I dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex...
Phil: You're not married yet it's no big deal.
Stu Price: It's cheating. No

offense to you, you're a lovely woman, it's a violation of my moral code.
Kimmy: What code is that? Stu you loved it, you were crying saying how special it was. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
Stu Price: Load?
Alan: What load?
Kimmy: Oh you know, my sperm.
Stu

Price: That is wrong, you're talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?
Kimmy: My balls. You're in Bangkok, there's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt!

The Hangover Part II

Alan: I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe someday.

The Hangover Part II

Mr. Chow: We had a sick night bitches!

The Hangover Part II

Stu Price: Oh my God! We kidnapped a monk!
Alan: We live an alternative lifestyle.

The Hangover Part II

Alan: When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.

The Hangover Part II

Alan: So what, are you a doctor?
Teddy: No, not yet, I'm pre-med.
Alan: Ever heard of that guy, Doogie Howser?
Teddy: Yea?
Alan: Well, he turned out to be a gay!
Doug: Alan!
Alan: It's true, I read it in Teen People.

The Hangover Part II

Phil: You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us!
Stu Price: Oh, this will be good!
Phil: Stu, think about it! You ended up ditching Melissa... two years later, you met your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would've married a cunt!
[Old couple looks over and gives Phil dirty looks]

Phil: Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin' Ihop!