M. Gustave: You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.
M. Gustave: [to Mme. Celine's corpse] You're looking so well, darling, you really are... they've done a marvelous job. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but... I want some.
M. Gustave: Keep your hands off my lobby boy!
M. Gustave: Rudeness is merely an expression of fear. People fear they won't get what they want. The most dreadful and unattractive person only needs to be loved, and they will open up like a flower.
Dmitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me?
M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot.
Dmitri: You are, but you're bisexual.
Deputy Kovacs: Did he just throw my cat out of the window?
Henckels: By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Celine Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis.
M. Gustave: I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's been murdered, and you think I did it.
[runs away]
Mr. Moustafa: [on M.Gustave] There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity... He was one of them. What more is there to say?
M. Gustave: I must say, I find that girl utterly delightful. Flat as a board, enormous birthmark the shape of Mexico over half her face, sweating for hours on end in that sweltering kitchen, while Mendl, genius though he is, looms over her like a hulking gorilla. Yet without question, without fail, always and invariably, she's exceedingly lovely.
Dmitri: [about M. Gustave] This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably fucks them, too!
M. Gustave: I go to bed with all my friends.
[Dmitri punches M. Gustave, Zero punches Dmitri, Jopling punches Zero]
Pinky: Me and the boys talked it over. We think you're a really straight fellow.
M. Gustave: Well, I've never been accused of that before, but I appreciate the sentiment.
M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!
M. Gustave: Who's got The Throat-Slitter?
M. Gustave: [Of Mme. Celine] She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.
Zero: ...She was 84, Monsieur Gustave.
M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say.
