Conrad: They just fuck you and they fuck you and they fuck you, and then just when you think it's all over, that's when the real fucking starts!
[Nicholas van Orten loses a shoe when climbing a fire-escape ladder]
Nicholas: There goes a thousand dollars.
Christine: Your shoes cost a thousand dollars?
Nicholas: That one did.
Daniel Schorr: Discovering the object of the game *is* the object of the game.
Nicholas: [leveling gun at carjacker] I am extremely fragile right now.
Nicholas: I don't care about the money. I'm pulling back the curtain. I want to meet the wizard.
Nicholas: And you really believe that just because you publish children's books, people are going to care about my reputation? You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings, butt-fucking Captain Kangaroo. The only thing they care about is the stock and whether that stock is up or down!
New Member Ted: This was the best one *ever*!
Jim Feingold: [shakes Nicholas's hand] You know, thank God you jumped, because if you didn't, I was supposed to throw you off!
Conrad: They won't leave me alone! I'm a goddam human piñata!
Conrad: I just found myself laying naked on a beach near Ibiza and all of a sudden it clicked: October 12th, Nicky's birthday.
Nicholas: October 11th.
Conrad: Whatever.
Daniel Schorr: [on TV] There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
Nicholas: That's impossible.
Daniel Schorr: You're right, impossible. You're having a conversation with your television.
Nicholas: You don't know anything about society, Marie; you don't have the satisfaction of avoiding it.
Jim Feingold: The game is tailored specifically to each participant. Think of it as a great vacation, except you don't go to it, it comes to you.
Nicholas: What's that?
Conrad: [signs document] This... is... the bill.
Nicholas: Do you want to split it?
Conrad: [exhales] Oh God yes! I'll take some of that...
[shows Nicholas enormous number at bottom of receipt]
Nicholas: [shocked look] Oh my God...
Nicholas: No, what is this? What are you... selling?
Jim Feingold: Oh. It's a game.
Samuel Sutherland: [Nicholas is making rounds at his birthday party] Nicholas, I haven't a *clue* what's going on, but your taste in champagne is excellent, as always.
Anson Baer: It was a *great* entrance!
Daniel Schorr: [on TV] A staggering 57% of American workers believe there is a very real chance they will be unemployed in the next 5 to 7 years. But what does that matter to a bloated millionaire fat-cat like you?
Nicholas: You can't smoke here.
Conrad: I'm with you.
Nicholas: It's illegal to smoke in restaurants in California.
Conrad: Fuck California!
