Tessa Quayle: I thought you spies knew everything.
Tim Donohue: Only God knows everything. He works for Mossad.
Sir Bernard Pellegrin: Do you no good to go poking around under rocks, Justin. Some very nasty things live under rocks, especially in foreign gardens.
Justin Quayle: Arnold Bluhm is gay, Bernard. Gay men don't rape their women friends.
Sir Bernard Pellegrin: [bemused] Well, I've known one or two very savage queens in my time.
Arthur "Ham" Hammond: So who has got away with murder? Not, of course, the British government. They merely covered up, as one does, the offensive corpses. Though not literally. That was done by person or persons unknown. So who has committed murder? Not, of course, the highly respectable firm of KDH Pharmaceutical, which has enjoyed record profits this quarter, and has now
licensed ZimbaMed of Harare, to continue testing Dypraxa in Africa. No, there are no murders in Africa. Only regrettable deaths. And from those deaths we derive the benefits of civilization, benefits we can afford so easily... because those lives were bought so cheaply.
[Aid workers are being airlifted from a village ahead of band of raiders. Justin brings aboard a local village girl]
Jonah Andika: I'm sorry, I can't take the girl.
Justin Quayle: I'm not leaving her!
Jonah Andika: We're only allowed evacuate aid workers.
Justin Quayle: To HELL with what's allowed! I'll
-look, how much you want for her?
[pulls cash from pocket]
Justin Quayle: There's 800 dollars.
Jonah Andika: Don't embarrass me! You can't buy this. The rules are made for good reason. Please.
Justin Quayle: This is a child's life! There are no rules to cover that!
Jonah Andika: Look, there are
thousands of them out there. I can't make an exception for this one child
Justin Quayle: Yes, but THIS is one we can help!
Justin Quayle: [Tessa tells Justin to slow down, wanting to drive a woman, her baby, and her brother who are walking 40 kilometers back to his home] We can't involve ourselves in their lives, Tessa.
Tessa Quayle: Why.
Justin Quayle: Be reasonable. There are millions of people, they all need help. It's what the agencies are here for.
Tessa Quayle: Yeah, but these are three people that WE can help.
Tessa Quayle: Sorry, I've just got one question: Whose map is Britain using when it completely ignores the United Nations and decides to invade Iraq?
Tessa Quayle: Or do you think it's more diplomatic to bend the will of a superpower and politely take part in Vietnam the Sequel?
Justin Quayle: Well, ah, I can't speak for Sir Bernard...
Tessa Quayle: Oh, I thought that was why you were here?
[lecture audience laughs]
Justin Quayle: Well, diplomats have to go where they're sent.
Tessa Quayle: So do labradors.
Justin Quayle: [Smiling] Ouch... Well, I think
Mr. Bernard would argue that when peaceful means are exhausted...
Tessa Quayle: Exhausted? Mr.Quayle, they're not exactly exhausted, they're just lying in the way of the tanks!
Sir Kenneth "Kenny" Curtiss: You're what passes for James Bond around here. Get Her Majesty's Secret Service to pull a few things. It's what you spies do, isn't it?
Tim Donohue: Is it? Never really sure what it is we do.
[putts golf ball towards hole]
Sir Kenneth "Kenny" Curtiss: [Angrily kicks Tim's ball aside] Don't even
think about bullying me, old man. I'm not a member of your gentleman's club. I don't have to play by the rules.
Tim Donohue: So it would seem.
[looks at ball]
Tim Donohue: Let's call that one "in". shall we?
[first lines]
Justin Quayle: Oh, thank you Arnold. I... I can manage that. But I still don't see why you couldn't wait a couple of weeks. Why go all the way up to Loki?
Tessa Quayle: Well, we want to hear Grace Makanga speak, and she won't be coming to Nairobi.
Sandy Woodrow: Don't try to play detective.