The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Mordecai: Cleanse them. Cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe them in the crimson of...
[pauses]
Mordecai: Am I on speakerphone?
Hadley: No. Absolutely not. Speakerphone, no. No, I wouldn't do that.
Mordecai: Yes, I am. I-I can hear the echo.
Hadley: Oh, my God.

You're, uh, you're right. Hang on one second, I'll take you off.
Mordecai: That's rude. I don- I don't know who's in the room.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: Okay, I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand, here. Do not read the Latin.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Dana: I'm so sorry I almost shot you... I probably wouldn't have.
Marty: Hey. Hey, no, shh, no. I totally get it.
[pauses to light a reefer]
Marty: I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: Statistical fact. Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they... and he will bind them... with ancient logics.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Dana: Me? Virgin?
The Director: We work with what we have.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: Yeah, I, uh, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Mordecai: Don't take this lightly, boy. It wasn't all by your numbers. The Fool nearly derailed the invocation with his insolence. The Ancient Ones see everything. And they will not be... I'm still on speakerphone, aren't I?
Hadley: [everyone laughing hysterically] Oh my God. Mordecai! I can't believe it. It did it again! Mordy? What happens next?

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Hadley: [sighs] These fucking zombies. Remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?
Sitterson: How old do you think I am?

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Labcoat Girl: Wait. That's not fair. I had zombies, too!
Sitterson: Yes, you did. Yes, you had zombies. But this is "Zombie Redneck Torture Family," see? They're entirely separate species. Like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Sitterson: Oh, man. I'm sorry.
Hadley: He had the conch in his hands!
Sitterson: I know. I know. A couple more minutes, who knows what might've happened? Yes.
Hadley: I am never gonna see a merman. Ever.
Sitterson: Dude, be thankful. Those things are terrifying. And the cleanup on them

is a nightmare.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Sitterson: You see this?
Lin: Perfect record, huh?
Sitterson: The Japan crew should've had this in the ba.! They fucked us! How hard is it to kill nine-year-olds?

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: Okay, my turn! Jules!
Jules: Mmm?
Marty: Truth or dare?
Jules: Let's go dare.
Marty: All right. I dare you... to make out with...
Curt: Please say "Dana," please say "Dana," please say "Dana."
Marty: ...that moose, over there.

Dana: Um, Marty? Have you ever seen a moose before?
Marty: Whatever that mysterious beast is.
Curt: That's a wolf.
Holden: That's clearly a wolf.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

[last lines]
Marty: [incredulous] Giant evil gods.
Dana: I wish I could've seen them.
Marty: I know. That would have been a fun weekend.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: [after discovering a hidden camera] Oh, my God. I'm on a reality TV show. My parents are gonna think I'm such a burnout.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Sitterson: No, they have to make the choice of their own free will. Otherwise, the system doesn't work. It's like ike the Harbinger. It's this creepy old fuck, practically wears a sign, "You will die." Why do we put him there? The system. They have to choose to ignore him, and they have to choose what happens in the cellar. Yeah, we rig the game as much as we need to, but in the

end, they don't transgress...
Hadley: They can't be punished.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: Good work, zombie arm.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Curt: [while staring at the lake] Hey, what is that?
Dana: What?
Curt: In the lake, right there.
Dana: Oh, come on.
Dana: You guys, I'm serious. There! There! God, it looks just like my girlfriend!
[pushes Jules into the water]

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: We are not who we are.
[Realizing that he's stoned]
Marty: I'm gonna go read a book with pictures.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

Marty: [referring to a one-way mirror that was discovered] It was the pioneer days. People had to make their own interrogation rooms.

The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods

[Curt sees that Jules is holding textbooks about Soviet economics and the Cold War]
Curt: What is this? What are these? What are you doing with these?
Dana: Okay. I get it. I'll leave the books.
Curt: [angrily to Jules] No, no, no. Who gave you these? Who taught you about these?
Jules: I learned it from

you! Okay? I learned it from watching you!
[She runs out of the room in tears. Curt laughs]