Wednesday: I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else.
[Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair]
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So we can play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"
Gomez: How long has it been since we've waltzed?
Morticia: Oh, Gomez... hours.
Gomez: [about Morticia] I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.
Morticia: And our credo: "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc." "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." Not just pretty words.
Morticia: Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.
[about to bury two people]
Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?
Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.
Morticia: When we first met years ago, it was an evening much like this. Magic in the air. A boy.
Gomez: A girl.
Morticia: An open grave. It was my first funeral.
Gomez: You were so beautiful. Pale and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse.
Gomez: To live without you, only that would be torture.
Morticia: A day alone, only that would be death.
[Looking for something in a wardrobe]
Morticia: "Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe." "Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe." "Uncle Niknak."
Sally Jessy Raphael: So, you claim that your son was brainwashed by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recruit others? Let's take a call.
Gomez: Hello, Sally?
Sally Jessy Raphael: Mr. Addams, *please* stop calling! We do not know where they meet!
Wednesday: May I have the salt?
Morticia: What do we say?
Wednesday: [sternly] Now.
Gomez: We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.
Morticia: Margaret?
Margaret: Hmm?
Morticia: About the séance tonight, I wish you'd come. It's Gomez I'm terribly worried about. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he keeps coughing up blood.
Margaret: He coughs up blood?
Morticia: Well, not like he used to...
Wednesday: Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.
Dr. Pinderschloss: Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill.
Grandmama: Even with a chainsaw.
Margaret: [Questioning the absence of a Halloween costume] What are you, darling? Where's your costume?
Wednesday: This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.
