Hell would freeze over before I saw my parents happily holding hands and ice skating.
2020 for me is a really big year of realness and authenticity and just being who I am.
No matter what you do, people are always going to have something negative to say about it. You could spend your life constantly trying to seek people's approval and validation, but there is always going to be someone that has something negative to say about what you're doing.
I think after going through some scandals and realizing that if I'm growing as a person, and I'm acknowledging my mistakes, and I'm constantly bettering myself to be the best me that I can possibly be, what more can I really be?
It's crazy that I look at 2019 as one of my best career years of my life. If you put it all into bullet points of all the things I did, you'd be like, 'Wow that's an amazing year,' but mentally, I just feel the lowest I've ever felt.
I built up so much hatred for my parents, like so much anger for the life they had given me.
I spend 99 percent of my time writing.
The valuable lesson is that holidays are about love, and that's what I have to try and channel.
The only thing I want to leave behind in 2019 is anything that's inauthentic, to be real.
I think that was the biggest learning lesson for me. I realized I can't be anything for anyone else if I'm not the best me for me. Now I just hope to kind of be that message for young girls to focus on yourself first always. Young people, I should say.
I grew up off 'The Simple Life' where they really made just being a personality a thing.
The second I walked into Jake Paul's world, there was no taking me out of it.
It's very easy to get caught up in the world of press and maintaining an image and maintaining this highlight reel that the world expects.
It got to a point where I didn't care... about living at all.
I always have gone out of my way to be known as a person who is always so nice to their fans and treats everyone like equal.
My childhood was the worst thing on earth. I'm very lucky to have gotten out of that, but I spent 15 years of my life being so incredibly emotionally abused.
From January to December of 2019, I crumbled, to be real, and I think by the end of 2019 I had beaten myself up in every possible way to the point where I wasn't even a person. I was fully at rock bottom.
I think that it's important to take time for yourself and to make sure to have those real moments when you're in bed at night, when you're with yourself.
I'm always going to give my fans a realistic expectation and let them know that if you think I'm never gonna make a mistake again, go find another YouTuber.
I will always make mistakes. I am a human being.
