Stan: That person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed without a doubt, a real superhero.
Spider-Ham: That's all, folks.
Peter B. Parker: Is he allowed to say that? Legally?
Spider-Man Noir: Hey, fellas.
Miles Morales: Is he in black and white?
Peter B. Parker: Where is that wind coming from? We're in a basement.
Spider-Man Noir: Wherever I go, the wind follows. And the wind... smells like rain.
Spider-Ham: Do animals talk in this dimension? Cause I don't wanna freak anyone out...
Miles Morales: How many more Spider-People are there?
Peter B. Parker: Save it for Comic-Con.
Miles Morales: What's "Comic-Con"?
Peter B. Parker: [to Miles, after he lost his uncle Aaron] We've all been there. For me, it was my uncle Ben.
Spider-Man Noir: For me, it was my uncle Benjamin.
Peni Parker: For me, it was my father.
Gwen Stacy: For me, it was my best friend.
Spider-Ham: Miles, the hardest thing about
this job is you can't always save everybody.
Lyla: You're a bit late.
Miguel O'Hara: Can't all be everywhere at once.
Lyla: A little text might have been nice.
Miguel O'Hara: I was gone for less than two hours. What happened?
Lyla: Okay, okay, okay. I know what it looks like, but... here's the good news.
Miguel
O'Hara: Oh, here we go.
Lyla: The multiverse didn't collapse.
Miguel O'Hara: Oh, cool!
Lyla: A little touch and go. It worked out.
Miguel O'Hara: Great story. Hey, did you finish the goober?
Lyla: It's not a goober. It's a gizmo.
Miguel O'Hara:
You always have to call me out? It's just really frustrating and that bums me out.
Lyla: Don't get too excited, Miguel. It's just a prototype.
Miguel O'Hara: Not excited.
Lyla: But you could be the first person to make an autonomous multiverse jump. Or the last.
Miguel O'Hara: Okay, so we're just...
gonna roll the dice on this?
Lyla: So what do you say, pal? Where do you want to go first?
Miguel O'Hara: Let's start at the beginning, one last time. Earth-67.
[Miguel jumps into Earth-67 and meets that universe's Spider-Man]
Miguel O'Hara: Whoa!
Spider-Man (Earth-67): What the- ?
Miguel O'Hara: I'm Spider-Man. I need you to come with me.
Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing at Miguel] Who the heck are you?
Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] I, I just told you. Now listen, listen. I'm from the future.
Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing back] How dare you point at me.
Miguel
O'Hara: [pointing back] You, you were pointing first.
Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing back] It's rude to point.
Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] You're being very rude! You're not even believing what I'm saying!
Police Officer (Earth-67): Which one pointed first?
J. Jonah Jameson (Earth-67):
Spider-Man pointed first. Obviously!
Miguel O'Hara: [as both Spider-Men continue to point at each other] You're pointing at me right now! Look at you! Look what you did there! Look at your finger right now!
Spider-Man (Earth-67): You're pointing. I've been pointing at your pointing. It's different than normal pointing.
Miguel
O'Hara: You are pointing...
Spider-Man (Earth-67): You haven't seen pointing until I'm finished with you.
Miguel O'Hara: You're accusing me of pointing while you're...
Peter B. Parker: What did you say your name was?
Doc Ock: Dr. Olivia Octavius.
[takes off her lab coat to reveal her mechanical octopus tentacles, one of which shoots out and pins Peter to the floor]
Peter B. Parker: Can I assume your friends call you Doc Ock?
Doc Ock: My friends actually call me Liv.
My *enemies* call me Doc Ock.
Brooklyn Bystander: [looking at a glitched stoplight] I think it's a Banksy.
Miles Morales: [final lines, voiceover] Okay, let's do this one last time, yeah? For real this time. This is it. My name is Miles Morales. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for like two days, I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I think you know the rest. I finished my essay. I saved a bunch of people. Got hit by a drone. Did this with my dad. Met my roommate finally.
Slapped a sticker where my Dad's never going to find it. And when I feel alone, like no one understands what I'm going through, I remember my friends who get it. I never thought I'd be able to do any of this stuff. But I can. Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask. If you didn't know that before, I hope you do now. Cuz I'm Spider-Man. And I'm not the only one. Not by a long shot.
Gwen Stacy: [from beyond her dimension] Miles! Miles! Miles! You got a minute?
[referring to Kingpin]
Gwen Stacy: What a pig.
Spider-Ham: [offended] I'm right here!
Chorus: [from trailer] Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham / Friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham / Spins a web, that's the gig / Kind of weird, cause he's a pig / Look out, here comes a Spider-Ham! / To him, life is a plate of bacon / When there's trouble in the making / You'll find a Spider-Ham!