[Don Lockwood is being mobbed by several fans on the street]
Don Lockwood: [desperately] Hey, Cos! Do something! Call me a cab!
Cosmo Brown: OK, you're a cab.
Don Lockwood: [unimpressed] Thanks a lot!
[after filming a love scene]
Lina: Oh Donny! You couldn't kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy bit!
Don Lockwood: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I'd rather kiss a tarantula.
Lina: You don't mean that.
Don Lockwood: I don't - - Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.
Cosmo Brown: Talking pictures, that means I'm out of a job. At last I can start suffering and write that symphony.
R.F. Simpson: You're not out of job, we're putting you in as head of our new music department.
Cosmo Brown: Oh, thanks, R.F.! At last I can stop suffering and write that symphony.
Lina: What's wrong with the way I talk? What's the big idea? Am I dumb or something?
Phoebe Dinsmore: [giving Lina diction lessons] Repeat after me - Tah, Tey, Tee, Toe, Too.
Lina Lamont: Tah, Tey, Tye, Tow, Tyo.
Phoebe Dinsmore: No, no, no Miss Lamont, Round tones, round tones. Now, let me hear you read your line.
Lina Lamont: And I cayn't stand'im.
Phoebe Dinsmore:
And I can't stand him.
Lina Lamont: And I cayn't stand'im.
Phoebe Dinsmore: Can't.
Lina Lamont: Cayn't.
Phoebe Dinsmore: Caaaan't
Lina Lamont: Cayyyyn't
Kathy Selden: Now look, Miss Lamont, Don and I...
Lina Lamont: Don? Don't you *dare* call him Don! I was calling him Don before you were born! I mean... You-you were kissing him!
Don Lockwood: *I* was kissing *her*! I happen to be in love with her.
Lina Lamont: That's ridiculous. Everybody knows you're in love
with me.
Don Lockwood: What's your lofty mission in life that lets you sneer at my humble profession?
Kathy Selden: I'm an actress...
Don Lockwood: Oh...
Kathy: ...on the stage.
Don Lockwood: Oh, on the stage, well I'd like to see you act, what are you in right now? I could brush up on my
English, or bring along an interpreter, that is if they'd let in a *movie* actor.
Kathy Selden: I'm not in a play right now, but I will be. I'm going to New York...
Don Lockwood: Oh, you're going to New York and then some day we'll all hear of you, won't we? Kathy Selden as Juliet, as Lady Macbeth, as King Lear. You'll have to wear a beard for that
one of course.
Kathy Selden: Laugh all you want, but at least the stage is a dignified profession.
Don Lockwood: [scoffing] Dignified profession.
Kathy: What do you have to be so conceited about? You're nothing but a shadow on film... just a shadow. You're not flesh and blood.
Don Lockwood: Oh, no?
[moves amorously towards her]
Kathy: Stop!
Don Lockwood: What can I do to you, I'm only a shadow.
Don Lockwood: [while filming a love scene] Why, you rattlesnake! You got that poor kid fired.
Lina Lamont: That's not all I'm gonna do if I ever get my hands on her.
Don Lockwood: I never heard of anything so low. Why did you do it?
Lina Lamont: Because you liked her. I could tell.
Don
Lockwood: So that's it. Believe me, I don't like her half as much as I hate you, you reptile.
Lina Lamont: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Don Lockwood: I'd like to break every bone in your body.
Lina Lamont: You and who else, you big lummox?