Ten years ago, I went to visit my dad in Australia. I walked to the edge of a cliff and looked over and tripped. I righted myself but my head was over the edge. No one saw it.
I honestly believe true happiness lies in lowered expectations. In opening the door to let the air in.
As an adult, my hero is my dog, Mouse. He is so friendly to everyone he meets. He wags his tail and loves everyone, like Jesus!
The pancreas releases insulin to make you ready for fight or flight when you're scared. So if you don't fight or flight - if you stay onstage, telling jokes - then your body stores more fat in your tummy which makes you insulin resistant. All comedians have fat bellies, even if they exercise.
We don't live in a world where, if you commit a crime, your life's over. We as a society believe in rehabilitation. We believe in second and third chances.
When podcasts are in charge there will be no wars, just ears. That will probably be our motto, but in Latin. In our podcastian future, we'll comprehend that each story has another angle, every case a contradictory piece of evidence.
The love of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy is reliant on the restrictions of Regency culture, their passion is created by repression.
I get a fizzy thing in my brain, like a nice glass of wine, and I want to know facts and I want to understand.
When I was at university, I did essays on political theatre. And it was really frustrating that the ideas weren't reaching the people they were talking about. Standup is the one place where you are talking to every level of society.
The cliche of call-centre work is that it's mainly older people who will stay on the line to talk to you. Whether through loneliness or good manners, they tend to allow you to finish your sentences, hear you out.
I've been an actor since I was 18. So that's my proper job. But I was not a very successful actor, if you consider being able to afford your rent successful. I did lots of old people's tours; reminiscence tours.
I am very short-sighted but I don't wear my glasses as they give me a headache, so if everyone could just stand closer to me that would help.
I have never been to Ladies' Day at the Grand National. I've never been to any day there, truth be told, and unless they introduce a Scruffy People Who Believe Horse Racing to Be Deeply Cruel Day and pay me to attend I can't see that changing.
I hate how old people get in my way when I'm swimming. You're trying to get into the zone and normally, if there's someone faster than you, you get out of the way, but old people don't; they're like, you can go round me. I give a little tut when I pass them.
I became a vegetarian at seven. I went on a school trip to a farm and loved the animals.
When I was a small child we were allowed to wait up until midnight on 31 December. Then as the TV chimed, Dad would run to the front door and open it, welcoming the New Year air. This is the kind of entertainment you make in poor families, and cry to your therapist about when you're rich.
Many of my memories of my mum are of her in the bath with a book, utilising her limited spare time by simultaneously washing and studying. She left school with no qualifications and now has a PhD. If I seem like I am bragging about this, I am.
I was always obsessed with ancient Egypt, but any time you go back to wouldn't be as good for women as now - so it might be a quick visit.
Even quicker than the development of super-technology is the human adaptation to taking it for granted. We live in a world where regular people converse publicly with an inanimate object and escape Bedlam or a dunking.
My earliest food memory is being starving hungry after swimming. I think that's quite common with children: the second you're out of the water you want to have a Twix, a cup of tea and chips and salty stuff.
