97 Robin Hood: Men in Tights Quotes (2024)

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
[referring to the then recent blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent]

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Ahchoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Blinkin: Yes...
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia

while...
[Remembers]
Blinkin: Oh, you were away!
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pongo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin:

Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
[pause]
Blinkin: Oh, it's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin?

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I'm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Merry Men: [singing] We're men / We're men in tights / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like sissies / But watch what you say / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / We're men / Manly men! / We're

men in tights / Yes! / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like pansies / But don't get us wrong / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / *Tight tights* / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / When you're in a fix / Just call for the men in

tights / We're butch!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'd like you to meet Ahchoo.
Blinkin: A Jew? Here?
Robin Hood: No no, not a Jew. Ahchoo.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Blinkin: Oh Master Robin!
[hugging a replica statue of the Venus de Milo]
Blinkin: You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.
Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'm over here.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Rabbi Tuckman: Excuse me, King. Why, if you like this guy so much, do you object to his marrying Maid Marian?
King Richard: I have no objection, but I have not yet kissed the bride. It is a custom, and my royal right.
[hands the rabbi his sword]
King Richard: Hold this, Father.
Rabbi Tuckman: Rabbi.

King Richard: Whatever.
[tilts Maid Marian and gives her a very long kiss]
Rabbi Tuckman: [impressed] It's good to be the king.
King Richard: Now...
[voice squeaking]
King Richard: *you* may marry them!
Rabbi Tuckman: Thank you. Here's your knife.
King

Richard: Sword.
Rabbi Tuckman: Whatever.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Robin Hood: You are entering the territory of Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
Rabbi Tuckman: Faygeles?
[clears their throats, trying to act macho]
Robin Hood: No, no. We're straight. Just... merry.
Rabbi Tuckman: As I. And who are you, with the exceptionally long feather in your hat?
Robin

Hood: I am Robin of Loxley.
Rabbi Tuckman: Robin of Loxley? I've just come from Maid Marian, the woman whose heart you've stolen, you prince of thieves, you! I knew her parents before they were taken in the plague, Lord and Lady Bahgel. You know, you two were made for each other. I mean, what a combination. Loxley and Bahgel! It can't miss!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Ahchoo: Hey Blinkin.
Blinkin: Did you say 'Abe Lincoln'?
Ahchoo: No, I didn't say 'Abe Lincoln', I said 'Hey Blinkin.' Hold the reins, man.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Maid Marian: I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go.
Robin Hood: Well, that's easy. I won't.
Maid Marian: Oh, I'm so happy! They were going to try to lure you there by having an archery contest.
Robin Hood: An archery contest?

Maid Marian: Their archer is unbeatable.
Robin Hood: Really?
Maid Marian: Robin, promise you won't go.
Robin Hood: All right, I promise you won't go.
Maid Marian: Thank you.
[stops for a second, confused]
Ahchoo: But wait a minute, Robin, didn't you

just...
Robin Hood: Cool it...
Ahchoo: Chilled.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

[Blinkin, the blind man, is up in a perch looking out for strangers]
Robin Hood: Blinkin! What are you doing?
Blinkin: Guessing. I guess no one's coming.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Little John: Let me introduce you to my best friend: Will Scarlet.
Scarlet: Scarlet's my middle name. My full name is Will Scarlet O'Hara.
[pause]
Scarlet: We're from Georgia.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Man in church: [Imitating Lou Costello] He-e-y Abbot!
Abbot: I hate that guy!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

[Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls]
Ahchoo: Man, white men can't jump.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Sheriff of Rottingham: [taking off his leather glove and slapping Robin with it] I challenge you to a duel.
Robin Hood: [picking an iron gauntlet up from the dinner table and smacking Rottingham across the face with it, knocking him down] I accept!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Sheriff of Rottingham: Sire, I have news!
Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. So, what kind of news is it?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly

frank, it's bad.
Prince John: [shouts] I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the *bad* news in a *good* way, it wouldn't sound so bad.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [thinking] The bad news in a good way. Yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes.
[hysterically]

Sheriff of Rottingham: W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades.
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, he just beat the *crap* out of me and my men.
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard!
[laughs]
Sheriff of

Rottingham: And...
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: ... he wants to see you hanged!
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: We, we're in a lot of trouble!
[laughs and snorts loudly]
Prince John: [furious] What, are you crazy? Why are you laughing? This is terrible news!