Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

In 1985, I was the host of a talk show, 'Hot Properties on Lifetime.' Hulk Hogan was on the show. He put me in a headlock and rendered me unconscious and let me fall to the ground. I split my head open and got nine stitches - and this was on live TV.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

Everything is a conspiracy. People kind of demonize the word. But a conspiracy is when two people get together and do something. So, if more than one person does something, it's a conspiracy. The revolution was a conspiracy, Iran Contra, Watergate.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

When I was a kid in the '50s, I was very enamored of beatniks and... a kind of dark sensibility.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

If any animal is capable of unconditional love, it is surely the canine: they are forgiving, caring, life-affirming creatures who humble us and teach us to be more human and compassionate.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

One person, one vote sounds so reasonable and - dare I say it - democratic. But the voting process in America is anything but fair and balanced.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

When members of a certain party concoct various devious schemes to suppress votes, purposely misinform potential voters, spread vile untrue filth about certain candidates, play the race, gender and religious cards, and literally tamper with vote tallies, then we are not a truly representative government!

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

As I got older, I was able to articulate why I was rebelling against authority - because their motives were much more forceful and hurtful than I had ever thought.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

Most people cherish their very existence and try their best to live a life worth living. In spite of the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our way, we somehow hope against hope and find a way to be as life-affirming as humanly possible! How? Love!

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

It is not impossible to succeed as a social democracy, where business and free enterprise thrive, and not abandon the disenfranchised, poor, sick, and elderly.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

If ever there was a misnomer in the political lexicon, surely 'values voters' is the all-time champ. The use of this term to describe the so-called base of the Republicans' so-called party mainly refers to an extremist, ultra-conservative, strain of so-called Christian conservatives.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

Arguably, the first five years of 'Saturday Night Live' were some of the most radical things ever seen on television. When NBC said, 'Okay, you can do a show from 11:30 to 1 on Saturday night,' they didn't think anyone would watch. It was like giving a piece of the candy store to the kids.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

'SNL' came out in the '70s. It's a different zeitgeist. It's hard to re-create it, just as it would be hard to do a black-and-white noir film now. The culture's different.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

The reason I wrote 'Hit List' is the 50 mysterious deaths of witnesses to the JFK assassination. We're talking about CIA agents, FBI agents, reporters, people who had foreknowledge, or people who spoke too much afterward.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

My grandmother was very funny. It skipped a generation.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

I was thrown out of every school I ever went to.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

Exercise is the fountain of youth, I believe.

Richard Belzer
Richard Belzer

I went to several public schools. I went to religious school. I was thrown out of Hebrew school, which was the final straw. They said, 'God doesn't like you anymore. Go eat pork.'