Tiger: Stella? Stella? Where are you going? Stella? STEEEELLLLLLAAAAAAA!
Ozzie: But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ: The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ: Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over
his collar to you?
RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne: Her?
Stella: Me?
RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella: My stink.
RJ: ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel: Ha ha ha! -
Was that out loud?
Vincent: Wow.
RJ: Vincent!
Vincent: So I was just on my way down here to kill you, and I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... that right there, is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen.
[Chuckles]
Vincent: Classic RJ. You take the food, and
they take the fall. You keep this up, your gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted.
RJ: But I already had that.
Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you
don't need them.
RJ: Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this!
[Takes the wagon with all the food]
Vincent: RJ!
Gladys: [after installing a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state,
[with his hand over his heart]
Dwayne: except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you.
[as he tosses a stuffed bear in it]
Dwayne: Adios, animal infenstation.
RJ: [it traps it] AHHHHH!
Gladys: [we see it in a cage, with outside burned off] Ohhh, very nice.
Gladys: I'm sorry Janis, did I just hear them say *rabid squirrel*?
Janis: Oh, I think they're proabably just over reacting.
Gladys: But what if they're not? What if we a potential pandemic on our hands, vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values?
Janis: Yeah, I have a casserole
in the oven, gotta run.
Gladys: Fine, you worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about *the end of suburban peace and tranquility*!
RJ: Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right. If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it, all of it.
Vincent: My red wagon?
RJ: Redder!
Vincent: The blue cooler?
RJ: Blue cooler. On my list! Gotta be blue?
Vincent: Yes! And I want my Spuddies.
I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
RJ: So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size.
Vincent: They have that?
RJ: I'm pretty sure.
Vincent: All right, R.J. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm
waking up, and all my stuff had better be right back where it was.
RJ: But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy!
[Vincent squeezes on RJ's head]
RJ: A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Vincent: Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will hunt you down
and kill you.
Verne: [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy the Squirrel: [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.
Verne: [noting the family's reaction]
Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.
[they begin walking away]
Verne: C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?
[stops Hammy]
Verne: Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: [pushes him away] I'm
not stupid...
RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.
Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.
Bucky: The shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron
there?
RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.
RJ: [showing the other animals around the houses] They *always* got food with them. We eat to live - these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about!
RJ: [as he speaks he shows the other animals what humans do] The human mouth is called a 'piehole', the human being is called a 'couch potato'.
RJ: [signifies telephone]
*That* is a device to summon food.
RJ: [signifies doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food.
RJ: [signifies front door] *That* is the portal for the passing of food.
RJ: [signifies delivery truck] *That* is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive
food, they wear the food!
RJ: [signifies grill] *That* gets the food hot!
RJ: [signifies cooler] *That* keeps the food cold!
RJ: [signifies turtle pinata] *That*... I'm not sure what that is.
RJ: [kids break the turtle piƱata and Verne yells] Well, what do you know? FOOD!
RJ:
[signifies table where family prays before dinner] *That* is the altar where they WORSHIP food!
RJ: [signifies advert for Seltzer] That's what they eat when they've eaten TOO MUCH food!
RJ: [signifies treadmill] *That* gets rid of the guilt so they can eat MORE FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOOOOD! So, you think they have enough?
RJ: [everybody nods] Well, they don't. For humans, enough is *never* enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming silver cans, just for us!
RJ: [opens the thrash cans and knocks them over] Dig in!