Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.
I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same.
I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano.
But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.
My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.
I believe in physical comedy, because that reaches out most to people.
There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over.
At my age, the radiation will probably do me good.
Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was the main part of the theatre, and comedians earned a living by being funny. Now you have comedy in television instead. Comedians now have to be funny within a play.
Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world.
Don't get me wrong: I'm overjoyed with my career to date. But perhaps I could have done more. Mostly, I just did whatever the directors told me to do.
I've been making people laugh for 40 years, so I know how important it is!
My only phobia is untidiness. My hair has to be neatly kept; my shoes are always clean. Everything has to be in a straight line, in its place.
My father used to be away for months at a time, and he'd never leave any money for food, so my brother and I had to go out and nick it.
What I like doing most is making children laugh.
I do play drums when I'm on tour.
I owe everything to the army.
