Steve Allen was on Johnny Carson one time - I looked for it, but I couldn't find it - and he read the lyrics to 'Hot Stuff' by Donna Summer like a poet. He read them very seriously. I was maybe 8, but it killed me.
Why marry myself to an entire album? I don't have to. If I download four songs from somebody on an iTunes sojourn, that's about as good as it gets.
I'm not dripping with charisma like many of my friends are. But I do have candour, which is close.
In true, narcissistic fashion, when my father was diagnosed as a narcissist, he called us all up individually to tell us, and he did it with true pride.
I think the biggest influence on my stand-up would be Chris Rock, in that I love that Chris is basically an essayist, in that he'll take a subject and just try and attack it from as many different angles as he can.
The Berlin Wall comes down in '89, so then there's basically a vacuum of who was the enemy and then Fox News comes along in '95 and it becomes Democrat versus Republican. Now people on the right are fed a steady diet of anti Democratic party propaganda so they believe Democrats are the enemy and they will not believe anything.
America doesn't have poor people, they have temporarily embarrassed millionaires: meaning there are people who are poor for now but that's all about to end when 'blank' happens, or when the number comes in, or when the invention takes off.
Being able to write jokes is great, but you still have to get used to performing them and being on stage - and enjoying being on stage, not just like tolerating it.
Sentimental is not bad, but it's probably the most likely to go awry. It's the hardest to do and not have it end up being 'Forrest Gump' or something. Maudlin - I just don't want it to be maudlin.
I think being honest on TV is pretty rare. So if I can be that, I would like to be.
I just love well-organized, very serious nonsense.
If you just want money and tax cuts and stuff, fine - just stop acting like you're moral.
Here's the thing about standup directing: not that hard. As I said on Twitter one day, or maybe it was Instagram - sorry, I want to keep my platforms straight - it's essentially the same five shots over and over again. Seven if you're ambitious.
I always say to Blake Griffin that he has a better comedy career than I do.
Like, I feel like I'm funny, despite the fact that I keep getting rejected by people less funny than me.
Honestly, I've always thought that Charles Barkley is the best guy on TV because he will really tell you what he thinks. But it's all well thought out.
The hardest part of comedy is writing the jokes, and the second-hardest part is telling the jokes. To me, everything else is significantly easier.
When you're in a friend circle, you all kind of talk the same way. And it's hard to do on-the-fly radio edits of yourself.
It's way more fun to tell jokes for an hour than it is to sit in a room and bash your head against the wall trying to think of sketches.
With most specials, even the best comedians will tell you they could have cut 15 or 20 minutes out of it.
