Monsters vs. Aliens Quotes

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Might we ask for your name, madam?
Susan Murphy: Susan.
B.O.B.: No, we mean like your monster name. You know, what do people scream when they see you coming? Like "Look out! Here comes...?"
Susan Murphy: Susan.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Really?

B.O.B.: [spookily] SUUUUSSAAANN! Ooh, I just scared myself! That is scary!

Gallaxhar: Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It's just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will

die. Gallaxhar out.

The President of the United States: Hang it all! What's the point? It's a disaster.
[he goes to push a huge red button; all the advisors shout "Don't do it"]
Advisor Cole: That button launches all of our nuclear missiles!
The President of the United States: Well, then which button gets me a latte?
Advisor

Wedgie: Uuh, that would be the other one, sir.
[camera pans to an identical button next to the first one. The President pushes it and serves himself a cup of coffee]
The President of the United States: What idiot designed this thing?
Wilson: You did, sir.
The President of the United States: Fair enough. Wilson,

fire somebody.
Wilson: Yes, sir, Mr. President.

General W.R. Monger: [presenting a slide show about his monsters] Mr. President, say hello to Insectosaurus.
[a woman screams, dropping her tray with china]
General W.R. Monger: Miss Ronson, please. Nuclear radiation turned him from a small grub into a 350 foot tall monster, that attacked Tokyo. Here we have the Missing Link.
[Ronson screams

and drops her tray again]
General W.R. Monger: A 20,000-year-old frozen fish man, who was thawed out by scientists. He escaped, and went on a rampage at his old watering hole. This handsome fellow is Dr. Cockroach, PhD., the most brilliant man in the world. He invented a scientific machine, that would give humans the cockroach's ability to survive. Unfortunately there was a

side effect.
[Ronson screams again, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger: Now, we call this thing B.O.B.
[Ronson screams again, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger: WILL SOMEONE GET HER OUTTA HERE?
[off-camera sound of Ronson being taken away, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger: Thank you! A genetically

altered tomato was combined with a chemically altered ranch-flavored dessert topping at a snack food plant. The resulting goop gained consciousness, and became an indestructible, gelatinous mass. And our latest addition: Ginormica.
[another scream, the same as Ronson's is heard, and it turns out to be the President's]
The President of the United States: [clears his

throat] General, continue.

[Susan wakes up on board Gallaxhar's spaceship in a containment cell]
Gallaxhar: [enters on a personal hovercraft] You must be terrified. You wake up in a strange place, wearing strange clothes, imprisoned by a strange being floating on a strange hovering device. Strange, isn't it?
Susan Murphy: Hardly. It's not the first time.

Gallaxhar: [deflated] Wow. You really get around.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [about B.O.B] Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.
B.O.B.: Turns out, you don't need one. Totally overrated! As a matter of fact, I don't even...
[starts gasping for air]
B.O.B.: I forgot how to breathe! Don't know how to breathe! Help me, Doctor Cockroach! Help! Help!
Dr.

Cockroach Ph.D.: Suck in, B.O.B.
B.O.B.: [breathes normally] Thanks, Doc. You're a life saver.

The Missing Link: Anyway, how, er, how was Derek?
[Susan sighs]
Susan Murphy: Derek is a selfish jerk.
B.O.B.: No!
Susan Murphy: Yes. All that talk about "us" - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno". There's no "us". There was only Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that?

I'm such an idiot!
[she kicks the roof of the gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]
Susan Murphy: Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all the stuff I've done without him. Fighting an alien robot? That was me, not him. And that was amazing! Meeting you guys? Amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can crawl up walls and build a

super-computer out of a pizza box, two cans of hairspray and...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: And a paper clip.
Susan Murphy: Amazing! And you - you hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried 250 co-eds off of Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard.
The Missing Link:

And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.
Susan Murphy: Amazing!
[B.O.B. lands]
Susan Murphy: B.O.B., who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?
B.O.B.: Link?
Susan Murphy: Y-you.
B.O.B.: Amazing!
[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: Good point, Insecto. Susan, don't short-change yourself.
Susan Murphy: Oh, I'm not gonna short-change myself.
[stands at full height]
Susan Murphy: Ever again!

B.O.B.: Wow! Would you look at the size of that...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Foot!
[Cockroach and Link jump out of the way, as the robot steps on B.O.B]
B.O.B.: [from the sole of the robot's foot, as it's walking] I got him you guys! I go...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Don't worry, I won't let go!

I'm wearing him dow...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down!
[robot takes a step]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: They called me crazy, but I'll show them. I'll show them all! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Susan Murphy: Doctor, I'd prefer you didn't do your mad scientist laugh while I'm hooked up to this machine.
[Insectosaurus roars]
The Missing Link: You're right, Insecto. You've been letting that quack experiment on you for

over a month.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: I'm not a quack, I'm a mad scientist. There's a difference.
Susan Murphy: Guys, what choice do I have? If he can make me normal, or even six-foot-eight, I can get out of here, get back to the life I'm supposed to have. I mean, I should be in...
The Missing Link: Let me guess, Fresno?

Susan Murphy: Well, Fresno is just a stepping stone. Next stop, Milwaukee, and then New York and then some day hopefully...
The Missing Link: Yeah, we know. Paris.
Susan Murphy: Throw the switch, Doctor. But-but don't do the laugh.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Now, you're going to feel a slight pinch in the brain.

Mwa-ha-ha... Sorry.
[he turns on the machine; Susan is shocked with electricity until she passes out. When she comes to, the others are standing over her]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Susan! Yoo-hoo!
Susan Murphy: Am I small again?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: I'm afraid not, my dear.
[Susan sits up, her hair standing on end]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: In fact, you may actually have grown a couple of feet.

Susan Murphy: It's okay. They're with me. These are my new friends.
B.O.B.: [grabs Susan's mom, Wendy] Oh, Derek! I missed you so much! Thinking that we'd someday be together again. It's the only thing that got me through prison. I love you! I love this man!
[he hugs Wendy so hard he absorbs her into his body]
Susan Murphy:

No, B.O.B.! That's my mother! You're suffocating her!
[B.O.B spits her out]
Carl Murphy: Honey, are you all right?
Wendy Murphy: I taste ham.
Susan Murphy: Sorry Mom. He's just a hugger.

Susan Murphy: I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.
The Missing Link: Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.
B.O.B.: And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No no, that's me,

B.O.B.
B.O.B.: Then I'll be a really giant lady.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: That's Susan, B.O.B.
B.O.B.: Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.
The Missing Link: Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.
B.O.B.: I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!