Meet the Parents Quotes

[Jack's Poem]
Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life / You gave me milk / You gave me courage / Your name was Angela / The angel from Heaven / But you were also an angel of God / And He needed you, too / Selfishly I tried to keep you here / While the cancer ate away your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force / But I couldn't save you / and I shall

see your face nevermore, nevermore, nevermore / Until we meet in heaven.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Dina Byrnes: It always gets me.
Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.

Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the

counter. Why?
Jack Byrnes: Well, they say geniuses pick green. But you didn't pick it.

Jack Byrnes: Greg, how come you don't like cats?
Greg Focker: I don't not like cats. I-I just - I just prefer dogs. I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of, you know. Come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of...
Jack Byrnes: You need that assurance, do you? You prefer an emotionally shallow animal?

Greg Focker: I...
Jack Byrnes: You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do.

Jack Byrnes: Is your name Gaylord Focker, yes or no?
Greg Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Are you a male nurse?
Greg Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Are you a pothead?
Greg Focker: No.
Jack Byrnes: Have you ever smoked pot?
Greg

Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Did you spray-paint the tail of a cat to pass him off as Mr. Jinx?
Greg Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Did you do that because you desperately were seeking my approval?
Greg Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Because you love my daughter Pam?

Greg Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: Do you want to marry her?
[Greg says nothing]
Jack Byrnes: Do you want to marry her?
Greg Focker: I did, till I met you.

Greg Focker: [in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"] Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh?
Jack Byrnes: What do you mean?
Greg Focker: You know, the whole drug thing?
Jack Byrnes: No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
Greg Focker: Some people think that

to "puff the magic dragon" means to- They're really, uh - to smoke - to smoke - a marijuana cigarette.
Jack Byrnes: Puff's just the name of the boy's magical dragon.
Greg Focker: Right.
Jack Byrnes: Are you a pothead, Focker?
Greg Focker: No! No. What? No, no, no, no, Jack. No, I'm - I'm not - I - I

pass on grass all the time. I mean, not all the time.
Jack Byrnes: Yes or no, Greg?
Greg Focker: No. Yes. No.

Norm: I got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
Greg Focker: I was not threatening her. I was just trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing...
Norm: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her with a bomb.
Greg Focker: No, I said I didn't have a bomb.

Norm: But you said bomb.
Greg Focker: I said, "It's not like I have a bomb".
Norm: You said "Bomb" on an airplane.
Greg Focker: What's wrong with saying 'Bomb' on an airplane?
Norm: You can't say 'Bomb' on an airplane!
Greg Focker: Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb bomb

bomb bomb bomb bomb. You gonna arrest me? Bomb bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier!
Norm: You assaulted an airline employee and I oughta put you away for years!

Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
Greg Focker: okay you know what, take you scrubby little paws *off* my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight

Attendant: Sir, sir!
Greg Focker: Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my bag and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if

you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.

Greg Focker: I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. But frankly sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law. This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts about whether or not I could even survive in your family. I think you've got some serious issues.
Jack Byrnes: If I lighten up, would you consider marrying my daughter?

Greg Focker: Would you lighten up *a lot*?
Jack Byrnes: [unsure] Yeah.
Greg Focker: Yes or no?
Jack Byrnes: Yes.
Greg Focker: Would you let me and Pam live our lives and not interfere all the time?
Jack Byrnes: I promise not to interfere in your lives *all*

the time.
Greg Focker: Will you stop making fun of me for being a nurse?
Jack Byrnes: Could you at least try, maybe, to consider another profession?
Greg Focker: Jack, yes or no?
Jack Byrnes: Ever?
Greg Focker: No!
Jack Byrnes: Okay, yes.

Greg Focker: Would you let me and Pam sleep in the same room?
Jack Byrnes: Don't push it, Focker! You're in a real mess.

Late Night Courier: Gaylord M. Focker?
Greg Focker: That's me.
Jack Byrnes: I thought your name was Greg.
Greg Focker: It is.
Late Night Courier: That's not what it says here.
Greg Focker: Gaylord is my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since third grade.

Denny Byrnes: Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker?

Dina Byrnes: Looks like we've got another wedding to plan.
Jack Byrnes: Yep. Just got to do one more thing.
Dina Byrnes: What's that?
Jack Byrnes: Meet his parents.
Dina Byrnes: Jack...
Jack Byrnes: Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful, fascinating people.

Dina Byrnes: Good night, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: I mean, they'd have to be, right? To name their son Gaylord Focker?