Lorna Cole: Nothing comes between a pregnant lady and a meal.
Martin Riggs: I'll draw his fire and you run for cover.
Roger Murtaugh: No. No, no, no. *I'll* draw his fire and *you* run for cover.
Martin Riggs: What are you, out of your mind? You got a wife, kids. I got a lot less to lose than you.
Roger Murtaugh: Riggs, I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but Lorna's
pregnant and you're gonna be a father.
Martin Riggs: No. Get going. Get... what did you say?
Roger Murtaugh: You're gonna be a father.
Martin Riggs: So who's the lucky, soon-to-be-dead son-in-law?
[Leo tries to find his bags on Roger's boat]
Leo: Okay, you said "aft," right?
Roger Murtaugh: A-F-T. Aft.
Leo: That's a fucking word?
Roger Murtaugh: In the back of the cabin on the right side, Leo.
Leo: Well, why didn't you say that in the first place, ROGER? I love these
people. Put them around boats and water and all of the sudden everything becomes fucking nautical. "Astern. Avast you landlubbers. Man the bilge pumps." Pump your fucking ass.
[while the "Human Tank" is bearing down on them]
Martin Riggs: Here's what we're gonna do! Take your clothes off!
Roger Murtaugh: What the hell for?
Martin Riggs: What for?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah!
Martin Riggs: Okay, you run, Flame-O here turns and sees you in your undies, it
distracts him - I know it'd distract me - and that's when I shoot!
Roger Murtaugh: Shoot what?
Martin Riggs: The valve on that napalm tank!
Roger Murtaugh: You're gonna hit that itty-bitty valve before he shoots me?
Martin Riggs: Maybe.
Roger Murtaugh: *Maybe*?
Roger Murtaugh: Assault gun... who's this joker?
Martin Riggs: I don't know, spokesman for the NRA, maybe.
Roger Murtaugh: Regular asshole. What do we do now?
Martin Riggs: Run him over.
Roger Murtaugh: What if he turns around and shoots us with that assault rifle?
Martin
Riggs: Well he hasn't yet. Have you thought about that?
Roger Murtaugh: Well, what if he does?
Martin Riggs: Don't be a don't-be, be a do-be. Come on, Rodge, be positive.
Roger Murtaugh: Positive?
Martin Riggs: Yeah!
Roger Murtaugh: Well, let's run him over!
Martin Riggs: Good, I'm glad you see things my way.
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, yeah, I hope he doesn't turn around!
Martin Riggs: He won't turn around. We'll creep up on him, nice and slow, so he won't notice.
Roger Murtaugh: Okay...
Martin Riggs: Will him not to turn.
[starts the car
forward]
Roger Murtaugh: Will him?
Martin Riggs: The power of positive thinking. Don't turn around... don't turn around... Come on, I need you, man!
Roger Murtaugh: Don't turn around!
Martin Riggs: Believe it! We're better than him! We're better than him!
Roger Murtaugh: Don't
turn!
Martin Riggs: That's it. Don't turn...
[the human tank turns]
Martin Riggs: He's turning.
Roger Murtaugh: AH, SHIT!
[Riggs swerves the car to the side and they both duck as the tank opens fire]
[Handing R&M their captain's badges]
Capt. Ed Murphy: This is one of the most painful fuckin' experiences of my life.
Leo Getz: They fuck you with cell phones. That's what it is. They're fuckin' you with the cell phone. They love it when you get cut off. Y'know why, huh? You know why? 'Cause when you call back - -which they know you're gonna do. - -they charge you for that fuckin' first minute again at that high rate.
Capt. Ed Murphy: We're dinosaurs headed for extinction.
Martin Riggs: Speak for yourself...
Capt. Ed Murphy: Gotta make way for the NEW-IMPROVED police department; guys with guns and psychology degrees, like Butters, out there.
Martin Riggs: Biter has a psychology degree?
Roger
Murtaugh: More like a PSYCHO degree.
Capt. Ed Murphy: Ah, hell, I got nothin' against it; times have gotta change. Hey, I almost got shot by a hot-rodder with a zip gun; that's how far back *I* go.
Roger Murtaugh: Hey Riggs, why did you call him my son-in-law?
Lee Butters: 'Cause I aaaam.
[interrogating Uncle Benny at a private dentist's office after accidentally filling the room with nitrous oxide]
Roger Murtaugh: [laughing and pointing to the gas mask that Butters is holding] Hey... Hey, what's that you got there?
Butters: [laughing] Uh... A nut cup? I got some big nuts.
[Roger takes the mask from Butters and inhales deeply]
Roger Murtaugh: That's nitro... oxide?
Butters: [laughing harder] It's laughing gas.
Roger Murtaugh: [hysterical] We... W-W-We're stoned.
Lee Butters: [chasing a chinese suspect] Stop in Chinese, motherfucker!