Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent, so shut the fuck up, okay? You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we'll provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya!
Martin Riggs: Oh. *Leo*.
Leo Getz: Hey, Riggs.
Martin Riggs: You want to get yourself shot? Is that it?
Leo Getz: No.
Martin Riggs: What the hell are you doing here?
Leo Getz: I was tailing you
Leo Getz: I'll leave you alone, okay? I mean,
I guess you want to be alone
Martin Riggs: Okay,I appreciate it
Leo Getz: You know, when I was a kid, I had a pet frog
Martin Riggs: What?
Leo Getz: Just give me a second. Let me tell you this, okay?
Leo Getz: Uh, I had this pet frog, his name was Froggy. He was my best friend in
the whole world. I didn't have a lot of friends. As a matter of fact... okay I had no friends, and uh, I used to kiss the frog, too. I thought maybe, uh, that it would turn into a princess since I was a boy, and uh, it could be my mother. They told me that she left or something, and my father was no bargain, and so just the frog. Froggy was my friend and I really loved him, and I took him
everywhere with me, and I was riding on my bike one day and he jumped out of the box, and uh, I ran him over with the back tire. I killed him. I was really heartbroken. Really, he was my best friend in the whole world; the only thing I ever loved. And then I met you and Roger, and you guys really looked after me a lot more then you had to.
Martin Riggs: Geez, we're terrible
to you, Leo.
Leo Getz: No no, it's okay, it's okay. You are my family. You are my friends. You are not better friends than Froggy. You're just different, and, uh, I just thought that *maybe* that might be relevant. Okay. I'll leave you alone now.
Leo Getz: Leo Getz, private investigator.
Martin Riggs: [into phone with fake accent] Private investigator? Yes, Mr. Getz, I was just wondering if you'd be willing to investigate my privates.
Leo Getz: Investigate what?
Martin Riggs: My privates, you stupid shit - shut the fuck up!
Martin Riggs: You wanna get married, don'tcha?
Lorna: Yes I do.
Martin Riggs: Why didn't you tell me?
Lorna: Because I didn't want to put any pressure on you, Riggs. I mean, if you want to someday, that'd be great; if you don't, I love you. I'll take you any way I can get you, Riggs.
Leo Getz: Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What did ya bust him for?
Lee Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp. Look at my suit, look at my tie. What do I look like, the fuckin' Crip's accountant? Look at this badge, bitch. Check out the gun.
Leo Getz: Whoa, hey hey hey, put
the gun down, put the gun down.
Martin Riggs: What's goin' on Rog, why you lyin' to me? Where's the money coming from? IA says you're on the take.
Roger Murtaugh: You ever hear of Ebony Clarke?
Martin Riggs: Yeah, she writes those cheesy sex novels... why? You boinkin' her?
Roger Murtaugh: No I'm not boinkin' her, Trish is Ebony Clarke.
Martin Riggs: You *are* boinkin' her.
Roger Murtaugh: [big grin] Yeah, Yeah I'm boinkin' her.
Roger Murtaugh: Since I met you, I done some hairy shit, but this is not gonna happen. I'm gonna be a grandfather; you and Lorna are gonna have a baby. He ain't worth dying for, Riggs. He ain't worth it.
Martin Riggs: Yeah, yeah, you're right. Hey, if he gets away, we can track him down later on with a - you know, with a Howitzer or somethin'. Your
son-in-law's over there bleedin', we should get him and get the hell out of here. Anyway, it's rainin'.
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, it's rainin'.
Martin Riggs: I'm too old for this shit, too.
Roger Murtaugh: Guy's too damned good.
Martin Riggs: Well, yeah, he's damn good. I mean, how did he do that thing with
the gun? How the hell did he do that? I mean, he took my gun apart with one deft move. How did he do that? Huh? How?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah... okay. Let's go ask him.
[Butters is pointing a gun at Leo's head after being mistaken for a perp]
Butters: License. Registration. Urine Sample.
Leo: Hey, hey, hey, German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay? Okay? Besides, I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away.
Butters: Oh, I
smell bad, what'chu trying to say?
Leo: Well, stop turning everything around. You're so damned touchy. Hey, we might even work together, me and those two work together, I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great.
Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal factory, ya fucking leprechaun.
Leo: Hey, I
didn't call you names, ya fuckface! Don't start now!
[Interrogating Uncle Benny in a dentist's office full of nitrous oxide]
Uncle Benny: I'm sleeping with my wife's two sisters.
Roger Murtaugh: You lucky sonofabitch.
Martin Riggs: Good for you, Uncle Benny.
Uncle Benny: Not so good when my wife finds out.
Lee Butters: Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanastan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours.
Dr. Stephanie Woods: My time is reserved for police officers with REAL problems and REAL needs. HAVE YOU GOT THAT? HAVE YOU?
Martin Riggs: Care to run that by me again?
Dr. Stephanie Woods: No! And do you know what? I don't like you.
[she walks away]
Martin Riggs: Stephanie?
Dr. Stephanie
Woods: [turns around, shocked] Stephanie...?
Martin Riggs: I can't go out with you. I'm in a relationship, I'm very happy. Now you'll find somebody someday, but you've got to stop bothering me...
Dr. Stephanie Woods: [painfully embarrassed] You're disgusting. YOU'RE DISGUSTING!
[to onlookers]
Dr. Stephanie
Woods: What's the matter with you people?
[Looking at a corpse]
Butters: Ah, shit. He's dead, man. He's fuckin' dead, man. Yeah, this is how he wanted to come to America, right? Where was he, in The Killing Section? This guy's been shot 4 times. At close range, like he was executed.
Roger Murtaugh: He WAS executed.
Martin Riggs: Yeah, by the crew.
Butters: What the FUCK, man? We got people gettin' killed left, right and center in this town; now we're IMPORTING victims? Hey, gangbangers wanna kill each other? No problem. You or me, one of us gets shot? Hey, occupational hazard. But just a normal guy, THIS fuckin' guy? What the fuck did he ever do to anybody? That ain't right.
Martin Riggs: It's like...
Roger Murtaugh: You're getting too old for this shit.
Martin Riggs: Yeah.
Roger Murtaugh: How about that? Finally.
Martin Riggs: No, I can't be. I mean, I'm only... Jesus.
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, you're only. You can't beat the clock,
Riggs.