Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.

Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
[Everyone gasps/laughs]
Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.
Chuck: YOU BITCH!

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like it's hard?

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Vivian: Nice outfit.
Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: [Elle is cross-examining Chutney Windham] Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?
Chutney Windham: I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home.
Elle: Where you got in the shower?
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the

shower.
[Courtroom audience laughs]
Elle: Yes, your Honor.
Elle: [a sudden brainstorm comes over Elle] Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Chutney Windham: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
Elle: You know, a girl in my sorority,

Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure, but thankfully that same day she entered the Pheta Delta Phi wet t-shirt contest where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
DA Joyce Rafferty: Objection, why is this relevant?
Elle: I have a

point, I promise.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
Elle: Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair

for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard

the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was

your age?
Elle: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.
Chutney Windham: [Chutney is in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him!
[points at Brooke]
Chutney Windham: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!
[Courtroom audience gasps]
Elle: Oh my God.

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.
Brooke: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Balliff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you're free to go.
Brooke: Thank you, your honor.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
[someone whistles at her]
Elle: I object!

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade.
Elle: Maybe not to your face.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Elle: These aren't last season!
[looks down, gasps, runs back into court room]
Elle: He's gay! Enrique is gay!

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

[Elle sees David the geek trying unsuccessfully to get a date with two lovely girls, who mock him, and decides to help by making the girls think she dated David]
Elle: Excuse me.
[Elle turns around and slaps David]
Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.

David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
[Elle walks away, and the girls change their mind about him]
Girl:

So, when did you wanna go out?

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.
Professor Callahan: You've just won your case.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said "I think I'll go to law school today"?

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: [on video essay] ... and that's why you should vote for me. Elle Woods: future lawyer for the class of 2004.
Admissions Guy: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.
Head of Admissions: Fashion major?
Admissions Guy: Well sir we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for

diversity?
Admissions Guy: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.
Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Admissions Guy: Clearly, she's interested in music.
Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.

Admissions Guy: Uh huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
Head of Admissions: Elle Woods.
[pause]
Head of Admissions: Welcome to Harvard.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: [after Warner asks her out after the trial] But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And

you, button, are none of those things.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Paulette: Is she as pretty as you?
Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate looking.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no?
Elle: Well this is so much better than that! Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.