Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Danny Madigan: You think you are funny, don't you?
Jack Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny Madigan: Schwarzenegger!
Jack Slater: Gesundheit.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

[after seeing a "Terminator 2" poster with Sylvester Stallone]
Danny Madigan: No. It's not possible!
Jack Slater: What's not possible? The man is an artist. It's his best performance ever!
Danny Madigan: But... that was you! YOU were in that movie!
[a girl close-by hears them]
Video Babe: [to

Jack] You were in a movie?
Jack Slater: Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

[Jack Slater is Hamlet]
Hamlet: Hey Claudius! You killed my father! Big mistake!
Narrator: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash.
Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince.
Hamlet: [shooting him] Who said I'm fair?
Narrator: No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night.


Hamlet: To be or not to be? Not to be.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Danny Madigan: I thought I was going to die.
Jack Slater: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving, premature ejaculation... and your first divorce.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

[about to shoot Benedict]
Jack Slater: No sequel for you.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: Kid! Who does the doctor treat?
Danny Madigan: Patients?
Jack Slater: Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing?
Danny Madigan: Wearing thin?
Jack Slater: Bingo!

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Danny Madigan: Where are the ordinary, everyday women? They don't exist because this is a movie!
Jack Slater: No, this is California.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Benedict: Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on
[takes out the ticket]
Benedict: , I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do

the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: [to cop barring his way] You wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of achers!
[Kicks cop in the groin]

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: You've seen these movies where they say "Make my day" or "I'm your worst nightmare"? Well, listen to this one: Rubber baby buggie bumpers!
[turns to Danny]
Jack Slater: Ha! You didn't know I'm gonna say that, did you?

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Benedict: I wonder if you'd help me test a theory?
Mechanic: Sure, what can I do for ya?
Benedict: Well...
[Benedict shoots him. He listens for a while, looks at his wristwatch, then shouts]
Benedict: Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!
[listens some more, still nothing]

Benedict: I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess!
[listens some more, someone tells him, "Hey, shut up, down there!". He looks pleased]

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: Iced that guy, to cone a phrase.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Death: I don't do fiction. Not my field.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: [John Practice has just betrayed Slater] Danny told me not to trust you. He said you killed Mozart.
John Practice: Mo- who?
Jack Slater: -zart.
John Practice: [thinks for a bit, shrugs] You know, I kill a lot of people, I can't remember half of them.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

[Dead assassin tumbles out of closet after Slater has fired into it without warning]
Danny Madigan: How'd you know there was a guy in there?
Jack Slater: There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Tough Asian Man: [answers the door] May I help you?
Jack Slater: Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?
Tough Asian Man: I beg your pardon?
Jack Slater: It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Jack Slater: I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
Danny Madigan: That's what you always say!
Jack Slater: I do?

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Nick: There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, warts, politicians...
Jack Slater: You already mentioned them.
Nick: I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else.

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Dekker: SLAAAAAAAAAATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero

Benedict: I understand you are interested in drug dealers.
Danny Madigan: [whispering] Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.
Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?
Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?
Jack Slater: Yeah, take off your sunglasses.

Benedict: Who's asking?
Jack Slater: [flashes Police badge] The tin man.
Benedict: Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
Jack Slater: No, they're the wrong color.
Benedict: Are they? Oh dear. Let's change them. Would arterial red suit you?
[points to guard dogs]

Benedict: Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained.
[snaps fingers, dogs form pyramid]
Benedict: I snap my fingers again and some time tomorrow, you emerge from several canine rector. Or you and Toto can return to the land of Oz. Questions?
Jack Slater: Yeah, two of them. Why am I wasting my time with silly putz

like you when I could be doing something more dangerous - like rearranging my sock drawer? Two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?
[pause, Benedict reveals smiley-face eye]
Benedict: Have a nice day!
[closing the door, he overhears Danny]
Danny Madigan: He had one with a bulls-eye when

he was with your second cousin. He hates his boss, he calls him a "Sicilian schmuck."