Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom's brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom's! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them!

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

The urge that most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I do not want to raise a child.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It's not like they're quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They're just using birth control.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I'd love to be a hit in Germany. I'm working on trying to get a gig as David Hasselhoff's opening act.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Sometimes I feel like if two parents were given $100, and a child-free person was given $100, everyone would assume that the parents would invest their money wisely because they're smart. And people like me would just go buy candy.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a lot of strength and dedication to carve out a life that doesn't seem normal to anyone else.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I'm wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I want to travel the world and enjoy things, so if you gave me $50 million and said, 'You can never perform again,' I probably would take it and be fine with it.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I still have to work paycheck to paycheck. Being in show business doesn't indicate that you're a 'success,' in my opinion.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

Eventually I'm going to be too old to be on camera, and I've been doing stand-up a long time.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I'm very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I'm not very calculated or thoughtful about my moves.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

I actually like, love, and respect myself, and I try not to take anything too seriously.

Jen Kirkman
Jen Kirkman

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.