James Acaster
James Acaster

I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

James Acaster
James Acaster

What if every relationship you've ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn't like you as much as they hoped they would?

James Acaster
James Acaster

I left school and didn't go to university to be in a band.

James Acaster
James Acaster

Corduroy hits the sweet spot between jeans and slacks. They're a trouser middleman.

James Acaster
James Acaster

If you just focus on getting better, and not being the best, you have such a good time.

James Acaster
James Acaster

People like abstract art because it makes them feel clever.

James Acaster
James Acaster

I thought comedians were the funny guy in the common room, not understanding that the flaws in my personality were actually the funny things about me.

James Acaster
James Acaster

I got left for Mr. Bean. I found out a year after we split up. I opened the newspaper and there was a full-page story. No one else in the history of time has ever been left for Mr. Bean.

James Acaster
James Acaster

I'd say I get heckled quite a lot because I look quite like an easy target. If you're an alpha-male and you think you've got something to prove to your girlfriend, I think I'm the perfect person to prove your worth.

James Acaster
James Acaster

First I stopped believing in hell, then the afterlife. Sometimes that connection is still there, and I'll feel an impulse to pray if I'm stressed or upset.

James Acaster
James Acaster

I absolutely loathe sleeping in a tent, regardless of the weather.

James Acaster
James Acaster

Ross Noble at the Leicester De Montfort Hall on his Randomist tour - it's the only time I've hurt from laughing at a standup comedian.

James Acaster
James Acaster

Until you get left for Mr. Bean, you don't realise how frequently he pops up. There's a shop two streets from my house that sells masks of his face. There's nowhere where I'm going to go that he's not there.

James Acaster
James Acaster

When you're talking about a really horrible personal thing that happened to you... and it doesn't get laughs... I feel really exposed and like I've overshared with some strangers.

James Acaster
James Acaster

One of the things I figured out was that I was having good gigs when I wore jumpers. It was because I looked more like an outsider, so they expected me to talk about weird stuff rather than normal stuff.

James Acaster
James Acaster

Everyone was wearing jeans, so I started wearing slacks. I'd walk on, and people would laugh before I got to the mic because I looked stupid.

James Acaster
James Acaster

Every year in Edinburgh, I end up waiting behind the curtain about to go on stage, and I have a moment of thinking, 'No one's told me what to do with this show. I've done exactly what I wanted. This is the biggest arts festival in the world, and all these people have shown up. Aren't I lucky?' It really is amazing.

James Acaster
James Acaster

And that, ladies and gentlemen, sums up the Fringe. Spend a year spitting your guts out writing a show, and people forget your name as soon as they walk out.

James Acaster
James Acaster

I really love standup, and I really love writing standup.

James Acaster
James Acaster

The Rock was one of my favourite comedy characters growing up, and I still think he is. Mainly because he took himself so seriously by being ridiculous and a buffoon all the time but always took the high status.