40 Horrible Bosses Quotes (2024)

Horrible Bosses

Detective Hagan: Do you want to explain why you were doing 61 in a 25 zone? One block from the victims house. Just moments after he got shot dead.
Nick Hendricks: I was drag racing. I'm a drag racer.
Detective Samson: You were drag racing.
Nick Hendricks: [nods]
Detective Samson: In a

Prius.
Nick Hendricks: I don't win a lot.

#Nick #lot

Horrible Bosses

Kurt Buckman: [last lines - out take] Wouldn't mind bending her over a barrel and showing her the fifty states, right?
Nick Hendricks: I don't know what that means.
Kurt Buckman: It's a phrase.
Nick Hendricks: I don't know think so.
Kurt Buckman: Yeah it is. Certainly it is. Definitely

it is.
Nick Hendricks: Really?
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, it's from a movie.
Nick Hendricks: [negative head shake] uh, uh.
Kurt Buckman: It is now.
[looking into camera]
Nick Hendricks: Beautiful.
[winks at the camera]

#the

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: Shut the fuck up for a second.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Don't you tell me to shut...
Dale Arbus: Julia, shut the fuck up for a second, all right? Now, here's what's gonna happen, okay? I'm going to take a very nice, very expensive two-week vacation with my fiance. Let's call it a honeymoon, all right? And you are gonna

pay for it. Then I'm going to return to a rape-free workplace, all right? Because if you so much as look at my sexy little ass, Julia, I will have yours locked the fuck up, you crazy bitch whore!
[Dale pauses]
Dale Arbus: Ah, that felt good.

Horrible Bosses

Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman?
Dean 'MF' Jones: Yeah. Motherfucker Jones.
Dean 'MF' Jones, Kurt Buckman: [shake hands] What's that?
Dean 'MF' Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus: Your first name is... Motherfucker?
Dean 'MF' Jones:

Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".

Horrible Bosses

Kurt Buckman: C'mon! Let's do this! Think about Gam-Gam! Wouldn't she want her favorite grandson to be happy?
Nick Hendricks: She wouldn't want me to kill him.
Kurt Buckman: You gotta forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. Move on.

Horrible Bosses

Dave Harken: Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few bandaids on your nipples!

Horrible Bosses

Bobby Pellitt: You're three hours late. What's the deal?
Kurt Buckman: I was at your father's funeral.
Bobby Pellitt: Uh huh. Well, maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: [walks into Julia's office, notices she is wearing nothing but heels, panties and her white jacket covering her breasts] Oh, shit!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: [pushes a lock button on her desk to prevent Dale from leaving]
Dale Arbus: Uh, oh.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: [motions to the chair] Will you

have a seat, Dale?
Dale Arbus: Do I have to?
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Please.
Dale Arbus: Sure.
[slowly and awkwardly takes his seat]
Dale Arbus: This is a little ridiculous, but...
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Look, Dale, you know... I know I like to fool around at work,

right? And I might even, you know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing I wanna do is-is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just not professional, you know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know... when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay?
Dale Arbus: Okay. Now.
Dr.

Julia Harris, D.D.S.: What?
Dale Arbus: Well, now, you're kinda crossing a line... because you're naked.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Uh... I'm not naked, Dale. Can you *see* my pussy?
Dale Arbus: [nervously] Hmm... true. Um... but I think, uh, even really saying the word..."pussy", that's...
Dr. Julia

Harris, D.D.S.: That's crossing the line?
Dale Arbus: Little bit.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You're starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.
Dale Arbus: There we go! That one's another one. Probably illegal thing to say, too.

Horrible Bosses

Kurt Buckman: [after seeing a picture of Harken's Wife] I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: [about Bobby Pellitt] Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?
Kurt Buckman: I didn't know I had DNA in my butt!
Dale Arbus: You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert!
Nick Hendricks: We are lawyering up, man. That's it.

Dale Arbus: I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!
Kurt Buckman: That's who we should talk to.
Nick Hendricks: Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?
Dale Arbus:

Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase.
Kurt Buckman, Nick Hendricks: Shut the fuck up about that case!

Horrible Bosses

Dean 'MF' Jones: First thing first, we gotta handle business.
Kurt Buckman: Mm-hmm.
Dean 'MF' Jones: I need five thousand dollars.
Kurt Buckman: No!
Dale Arbus: No!
Nick Hendricks: There's gonna be no more money.
Dale Arbus: No!

Dean 'MF' Jones: Two thousand?
Dale Arbus: No.
Nick Hendricks: Absolutely not.
Kurt Buckman: No way, Motherfucker. No.
Dean 'MF' Jones: [sighs in defeat] All right, look... pay for my drinks.
Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks? Yeah.
[to Nick]

Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks.
Nick Hendricks: I'll do that.
Dale Arbus: Not a very good negotiator.

Horrible Bosses

Kurt Buckman: Your father told me very clearly that he would rather die than save money and hurt people.
Bobby Pellitt: Well guess what, looks like we're right on schedule then.

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: [Talking to man on NavGuide] Hey I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory?
Atmanand: [in Indian accent] Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand.
Kurt Buckman: You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the

rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad.
Nick Hendricks: Atmonent.
Atmanand: [slowly pronouncing] At-man-and.
Kurt Buckman: I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.

Horrible Bosses

Bobby Pellitt: You know what, I don't hear you giving... dickskin any shit.
Kurt Buckman: Dickskin? Nice.
Bobby Pellitt: Kiss ass.
Jack Pellit: Come on, come on.
Bobby Pellitt: Yeah, go on, in you go. Go on Gay boy!
Kurt Buckman: I'm not gay!
Bobby

Pellitt: Please. I've seen gay boys. You're one of them.
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, where'd you see them.
Bobby Pellitt: In your house! Get in! I'm a green belt, motherfucker!

Horrible Bosses

Nick Hendricks: I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me...
Kurt Buckman: That coked up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody!
Dale Arbus: She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!
Kurt Buckman: ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: You don't put a playground next to a bar. That's entrapment.

Horrible Bosses

Nick Hendricks: Where were you during the murder?
Kurt Buckman: I was making love. I was making love to a woman. You know... murdering some ass.

Horrible Bosses

Dale Arbus: [after Julia just showed him pictures of her cavorting him while he was unconscious] Rape. Rape, rape, this is what raping is. You're a raper, you've raped me. That's a rape! RAPE!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Oh, just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard.
Dale Arbus: That does not give me any relief.