Good Morning, Vietnam Quotes

Adrian Cronauer: Good morning, Vietnam! Hey, this is not a test. This is rock and roll. Time to rock it from the delta to the DMZ! Is that me, or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie? Viva Da Nang. Oh, viva, Da Nang. Da Nang me, Da Nang me. Why don't they get a rope and hang me? Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late. It's 0600 What's the "0" stand

for? Oh, my God, it's early. Speaking of early, how about that Cro-Magnon, Marty Dreiwitz? Thank you, Marty, for "silky-smooth sound." Make me sound like Peggy Lee. Freddy and the Dreamers! Wrong speed. We've got it on the wrong speed. For those of you recovering from a hangover, that's gonna sound just right. Let's put her right back down. Let's try it a little faster, see if that picks it up a

little bit. Those pilots are going, "I really like the music. I really like the music. I really like the music." Oh, it's still a bad song. Hey, wait a minute. Let's try something. Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better. Freddy is a devil. Freddy is a devil. Picture a man going on a journey beyond sight and sound. He's left Crete. He's entered the demilitarized zone. All right.

Hey, what is this "demilitarized zone"? What do they mean, "police action"? Sounds like a couple of cops in Brooklyn going, "You know, she looks pretty to me." Hey, whatever it is, I like it because it gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino. What is a demilitarized zone? Sounds like something out of The Wizard of Oz, Oh, no, don't go in there. Oh-we-oh Ho Chi'Minh Oh, look,

you've landed in Saigon. You're among the little people now. We represent the ARVN Army The ARVN Army Oh, no! Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail. "Oh, I'll get you, my pretty!" Oh, my God. It's the wicked witch of the north. It's Hanoi Hanna! "Now, little GI, you and your little 'tune-ooh' too!" "Oh, Adrian. Adrian. What are you doing, Adrian?" Oh, Hanna, you slut. You've

been down on everything but the Titanic. Stop it right now. Hey, uh, hi. Can you help me? What's your name? "My name's Roosevelt E. Roosevelt." Roosevelt, what town are you stationed in?. "I'm stationed in Poontang." Well, thank you, Roosevelt. What's the weather like out there? "It's hot. Damn hot! Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things in it. A little crotch pot cooking."

Well, can you tell me what it feels like. "Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you born on the sun? It's damn hot! I saw - It's so damn hot, I saw little guys, their orange robes burst into flames. It's that hot! Do you know what I'm talking about." What do you think it's going to be like tonight? "It's gonna be hot and wet! That's nice if you're with a lady, but it ain't no good if you're in

the jungle." Thank you, Roosevelt. Here's a song coming your way right now. "Nowhere To Run To" by Martha and the Vandellas. Yes! Hey, you know what I mean! Too much?

General Taylor: Woah, Dick, put the brakes on. I wanted to wait until airman left to talk with you. Dick, I'm transferring you.
Sgt. Major Dickerson: Transferring me? Where to sir?
General Taylor: You're going to Guam.
Sgt. Major Dickerson: Guam sir? There's nothing going on in Guam. Why Guam?

General Taylor: Dick, I've covered for you a lot of times cause I thought you were a little crazy. But you're not crazy, you're mean. And this is just radio.
[goes to the elevator and laughs]
General Taylor: "More dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history." That's funny.

[last lines]
Adrian Cronauer: Gooooooooood-byyyyyyye Vietnaaaaam! That's right, I'm history... I'm outta here. I got the lucky ticket home, baby. Rollin, rollin, rollin'... keep them wagons rollin', rawhide! Yeah, that's right... the final Adrian Cronauer broadcast... and this one is brought to you by our friends at the Pentagon. Remember the people who brought you Korea?

That's right, the U.S. Army. If it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's probably not being done by the Army.
[imitating officer]
Adrian Cronauer: I heard that.
[as himself]
Adrian Cronauer: Oh, you're here... good to see ya.
[imitates officer again]
Adrian Cronauer: I'm here to make sure you don't

say anything controversial.
[as himself]
Adrian Cronauer: Speaking of things controversial, is it true that there is a marijuana problem here in Vietnam?
[as officer]
Adrian Cronauer: No, it's not a problem, everybody has it.
[as Leo]
Adrian Cronauer: I don't know, Adrian.
[as himself]

Adrian Cronauer: Leo! Leo!
[as Leo]
Adrian Cronauer: Adrian, take care of yourself. I just want you to know one thing... if you're going to be dressing in civilian clothes, don't forget pumps.
[as himself]
Adrian Cronauer: Thank you Leo... thanks for these. Oh, these are special.
[as Leo]
Adrian

Cronauer: They're ruby slippers, Adrian. Put these on and say 'there's no place like home', 'there's no place like home' and you can be there.
[as himself]
Adrian Cronauer: I hope... I hope we all could.
[fades to credits]

Adrian Cronauer: [impersonating an Intelligence Officer] We've realized that we're having a very difficult time finding the enemy. It isn't easy to find a Vietnamese man named "Charlie." They're all named Nguyen, or Tran, or...
Adrian Cronauer: [as himself] Well, how are you going about it?
Adrian Cronauer: [as Intel Officer] Well,

we walk up to someone and say, 'Are you the enemy? And, if they say yes, then we shoot them."

Lt. Steven Hauk: Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency. He did a very off-color parody of former VP Nixon.
General Taylor: I thought it was hilarious.
Lt. Steven Hauk: Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
General Taylor: Bullshit! I know Nixon personally. He lugs a trainload

of shit behind him that could fertilize the Sinai. Why, I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch and I consider him a good, close, personal friend.

Richard Nixon: [Adrian has inserted his voice onto the press conference with Nixon] As I leave Vietnam today there will be no doubt in my mind that the Viet cong will be defeated. And this war will be won. It does involve as you have suggested give and take.
Adrian Cronauer: Well I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.
Lt.

Steven Hauk: Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?
Private Abersold: I don't know, sir.
Adrian Cronauer: Mr Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd rather delve into a more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?
Richard Nixon: [Hauk turns to the

radio in horror] That they're soft and they're very shallow and they serve no purpose.
Adrian Cronauer: So what are you saying, sir?
Richard Nixon: They lack the physical strength.
Lt. Steven Hauk: Oh, my God. Please don't do this to me.
Adrian Cronauer: How would you describe your sex life with your

wife Pat?
Richard Nixon: It is unexciting sometimes.
Adrian Cronauer: Well, you can consider a sex change. There is an operation that can transform you into a female white dane or a very hell wung chihuaua. Mr. Nixon it is rumored that you have smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would

you do that?
Richard Nixon: By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.

[imitating Walter Cronkite]
Adrian Cronauer: I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt, what it is, what it shall be, what it was. The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass

in a wagon rut.

Adrian Cronauer: Hey, we're back. That last two seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest hit single, "Walkin In The Wind." And now, here are the headlines. Here they come right now. Pope actually found to be Jewish. Liberace is Anastasia and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar. The East Germans, today, claimed the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank. Also the Pope decided today

to release Vatican-related bath products. An incredible thing, yes, it's the new Pope On A Rope. That's right. Pope On A Rope. Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.