George Burns
George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns
George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

George Burns
George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

George Burns
George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

George Burns
George Burns

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

George Burns
George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

George Burns
George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

George Burns
George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

George Burns
George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns
George Burns

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns
George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

George Burns
George Burns

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns
George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

George Burns
George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

George Burns
George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

George Burns
George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns
George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

George Burns
George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

George Burns
George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

George Burns
George Burns

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.