Scott: I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!
Scott: Let me handle this, I speak better German. Hello!
Truck Driver: Hello!
Scott: [in German] My German is ill, but I can understand on you if the speaking is slowly.
Truck Driver: [in German] German! I have been driving for 14 hours straight and I haven't slept in three days and I am wired on schnapps, benzedrine, and those little
chocolate covered peanuts.
Cooper: What did he say?
Scott: He said he's driving, something...
Scott: [in German] Do you know where is Berlin?
Truck Driver: [in German] Berlin? Yes, I know it well. I stabbed a woman in a bar in Berlin. But I am going nowhere near Berlin.
Scott: Berlin!
Truck Driver: [in German] Berlin! I also sexually assaulted a horse in Berlin.
Scott: He's going to Berlin.
Jamie: Awesome.
Truck Driver: [in German] Nowhere near Berlin.
Scott: All right, come on, let's go.
[the group get in the back of the truck]
Truck Driver: [to self, in German] I'll drive this truck
off a cliff before I ever go back to Berlin.
[unrated DVD version]
[excerpts seen during original version credits]
Hostel Clerk: Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying
them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the
valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated.
[outtake during credits]
Mad Maynard: Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! Go on, you Gallic fucking garlic-breath tossers! Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! Come on! Fucking come and have it! You fucking beep? We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! Fuck off! Go on, you French bastards! Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! Go on out of it!
Fuck off! I'm knackered.
Cooper: Hello Mr. Walters... I see... fired? Well, I... Well, if that's what you want, I understand... goodbye, sir.
Scott: They had to catch you eventually.
Cooper: No, they fired Humphrey.
Scott: Shut up!
Cooper: I got his office and a raise!
Cooper: You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright... which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures.
Scott: You've really thaught a lot about
this, haven't you?
Cooper: It's my passion!