Orson Welles: Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?
Conrad Brooks: Mr. Lugosi? I know you're very busy, but, um... can I have your autograph?
Bela Lugosi: Certainly.
Conrad Brooks: You know which movie of yours I love, Mr. Lugosi? The Invisible Ray. You were great as Karloff's sidekick.
Bela Lugosi: Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff does not deserve to smell
my shit! That limey cocksucker can rot in Hell for all I care!
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: What happened?
Bela Lugosi: How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to play Frankenstein? It's all makeup and grunting!
[mocks Frankenstein]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, "Dracula,"
that's a role that requires talent.
Bela Lugosi: Of course. Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands...
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: That's right. That's right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?
Bela Lugosi: Bullshit! I'm ready now! Roll the camera!
[At the "Plan 9" premiere]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: This is the one. 'This' is the one I'll be remembered for.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [after Thor Johnson bumps into a scenery wall while walking through a door making the wall shudder] Ok, and CUT! PERFECT! PRINT IT!
Cameraman Bill: Don't you wanna do another take Ed? Seems like big baldy had some problems gettin' through that door.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, it's fine. It's real. You know, in
actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with this problem every day.
[Bunny Breckenridge is being baptized]
Reverend Lemon: Welcome to the fold, brother. Welcome. Praise the lord, brother. Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
Bunny Breckinridge: Sure.
[after his baptism, Bunny swims towards Ed Wood]
Bunny Breckinridge: How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptized
just so you can make a monster movie?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: It's not a monster movie. It's a supernatural thriller.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?
Orson Welles: I hate when that happens.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Orson Welles: Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for
Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican.
Dr. Tom Mason: [They are all sitting in a pew in the Baptist church, during a church ceremony; impersonating Bela Lugosi] I want to suck your blood. I want to suck your blood!
Bunny Breckinridge: Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
Dolores Fuller: Ed, what's *my* motivation?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet.
Dolores Fuller: But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get
goofy on me.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: And cut! Print. We're moving on. That was perfect.
Ed Reynolds: Perfect? Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Well, I like to think so.
Ed Reynolds: That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Nobody will ever notice that. Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture.
Ed Reynolds: The big picture?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Yes.
Ed Reynolds: Then how 'bout when the policemen arrived in daylight, but now it's suddenly night?
Edward D. Wood,
Jr.: What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Why, if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood,
Jr.: No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Bunny Breckinridge: What about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No!
Bunny Breckinridge: Cat's Eyes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No!
Bunny Breckinridge: Well, I'm going to need some antennae.
Edward D. Wood,
Jr.: No! You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste!
[on the phone to Bunny]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Listen, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites. I need transvestites. All right. Bye.
Bela Lugosi: Eddie, what kind of a movie is this?