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Ethan Tremblay: [from trailer]
[talking to a can full of his dad's ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Dad... You were like a father to me.

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Ethan Tremblay: My father loved coffee, and now we loved him as coffee.

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Peter Highman: Okay, I've calmed down a bit.
Ethan Tremblay: You ready to apologize?
Peter Highman: What? Fuck you!

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Ethan Tremblay: Where's your dad?
Peter Highman: Uh... no idea.
Ethan Tremblay: When's the last time you saw him?
Peter Highman: 1977. He had his bags packed at the door and he picked them up and put in the back of his car. And, uh, drove away. Last time I ever saw him.
Ethan Tremblay:

[begins laughing hysterically]
Ethan Tremblay: That's so funny! My dad would never do that, he loved me!

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Peter Highman: Why are your father's ashes in a coffee can?
Ethan Tremblay: Because he's dead, Peter.

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Peter Highman: I despise who you are on a cellular level.
Ethan Tremblay: Okay, I've heard that before and I'm trying to work on it.

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Peter Highman: I have to get back to Los Angeles.
TSA Agent: Have you ever seen the movie Forrest Gump? He ran across the U.S. and he was pretty stupid. I have faith in you.

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Peter Highman: What were you thinking when you spent almost all of our money on drugs?
Ethan Tremblay: I don't think in those terms.
Peter Highman: What terms do you think in?
Ethan Tremblay: I'm not an accountant, Peter. I'm not even Jewish.
Peter Highman: Are you an adult?

Ethan Tremblay: Of course I'm an adult. I'm 23 years old.
Peter Highman: You are the most shot-out 23-year-old I've ever seen. How have you made it this far? How have you not run yourself over in a car?
Ethan Tremblay: I've done that.
Peter Highman: How have you survived? That's my question.

Ethan Tremblay: Mostly luck.
Peter Highman: Yeah. That's what I thought. Just dumb fucking luck.

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Peter Highman: That was William Shakespeare. Have you heard of him?
Ethan Tremblay: Yes, I've heard of Shakespeare. He was a famous pirate.

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Lonnie: [sung to the tune of Closing Time by Semisonic] It's closing time, time to roll to Chili's and chow down with my fuckin' boys.

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Ethan Tremblay: Give me a scene.
Peter Highman: Okay, I'm Julia Roberts. We are engaged to be married. You have terminal cancer. Break the news to me.
Ethan Tremblay: Julia Roberts, as you know, we are engaged to be married. I have terminal cancer.
Peter Highman: Awful, just awful. I didn't buy into that one

bit.
Ethan Tremblay: I thought that was really good.

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Border Crossing Agent: [from trailer] Why are your eyes so glassy? You been partying?
Ethan Tremblay: No, I have glaucoma.
Border Crossing Agent: What about the dog? Does he have glaucoma? His eyes are glassy too.

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Peter Highman: I didn't sleep last night. I'm gonna try now.
Ethan Tremblay: Well you really should have masturbated, cuz I had a glorious orgasm and I slept like a baby.

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Ethan Tremblay: [from trailer]
[after taking another sip from a cup of coffee made from his dad's ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Oh God! I'm so stupid.

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Ethan Tremblay: Holy Moses, it's like I'm traveling with a child!
Peter Highman: Have you used the restroom?
Ethan Tremblay: Good point, I need to take a pee-pee.
[walks towards the restroom with a childish walk]

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Ethan Tremblay: [rehearsing a monologue from The Godfather]
Heidi: That was really good, especially the second paragraph about the killing.
Barry: Really good.
Heidi: Did you write that?
Ethan Tremblay: No, the mafia did.

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Peter Highman: I'm telling you. I wouldn't make it up.
Ethan Tremblay: You sure? I could've sworn I read it was man-made.
Peter Highman: Nope. Not correct. Very old. Formed over time. Grand Canyon. Known fact.
Ethan Tremblay: Peter, I have a photogenic memory. I have recall for...
Peter

Highman: Ethan, I promise you. It's old. It's the Grand Canyon, it's not Hoover Dam.
Ethan Tremblay: Well, I know it's not the Hoover Dam, that was built by the Pilgrims.
Peter Highman: Also incorrect.

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Peter Highman: I'm sorry we drank your father.

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[last lines]
Charlie Harper: You got any more pot?
Ethan Tremblay: Not for $9 an hour I don't... I mean, I don't know what you're talking about.

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Ethan Tremblay: [At the Western Union after some ID troubles] Oh, jeepers creepers. He's right. He's right.
Peter Highman: What do you mean "he's right"?
Ethan Tremblay: Ethan Tremblay is my stage name.
[to clerk]
Ethan Tremblay: I'm an actor.
Peter Highman: Stage name.

Ethan Tremblay: Yeah.
Peter Highman: What is your real name?
Ethan Tremblay: Ethan Chase, but it doesn't sound like an actor's name.
Peter Highman: [Annoyed] Ethan Chase sounds like the name of an actor. Ethan Tremblay doesn't make any goddamn sense. Okay? It's confusing. It sounds like it was made up...

Ethan Tremblay: Yeah. I made it up.
Peter Highman: Ethan, I *know* you made it up. It's your fucking stage name! Why did you have my wife wire money to your stage name...?
Ethan Tremblay: I wasn't thinking!
Peter Highman: Right.
Ethan Tremblay: I'm just trying to commit to the new

name...