62 Dude, Where's My Car? Quotes (2024)

Dude, Where's My Car?

[Jesse and Chester have tattoos on their backs that say "dude" and "sweet."]
Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" But what does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What

does mine say?
Jesse: "S - wee - t!" What about mine?
[later]
Chester: [angry] "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: [screaming] "Sweet!"

Dude, Where's My Car?

Chinese Foooood Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Foooood Lady: And then!

Dude, Where's My Car?

[repeated line]
Jesse: Dude, where's my car?
[repeated line]
Chester: Where's your car, dude?

Dude, Where's My Car?

Jesse: Hey, have you seen my car?
Christie Boner: Well, I saw it last night. I mean, I saw the backseat...
Jesse: [oblivious] No, I'm talking about the whole thing.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
Jesse: And then...
[laughs nervously]
Jesse: I'm gonna come in there...
[grows livid]
Jesse: and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!'!
[pause; Jesse almost gives in]
Chinese Food Intercom: [repeatedly] And then! And then! And then! And

then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
[Jesse furiously smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away]
Chinese Food Intercom: [severely damaged] And then...?

Dude, Where's My Car?

[Jeese and Chester come across an ostrich]
Jesse: Dude, it's a llama!

Dude, Where's My Car?

Mr. Pizzacoli: [on delivering pizzas] A trained dolphin could do a better job than you two!
Jesse: Yeah, but then the pizzas would get all wet.

Dude, Where's My Car?

[as Super Hot Giant Alien passes overhead, a Father and Son see up her skirt]
Birthday Son: I want to go on that ride, Daddy.
Birthday Father: Me, too, Son. Me, too.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Mark: I've been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days, but who's countin'?
[laughs hysterically]

Dude, Where's My Car?

[Repeated line]
Chester and Jesse: Shibby!

Dude, Where's My Car?

Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
Chester: Oh ,that's my alter ego.
Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego.
Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
Jesse: Oh yeah.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Jesse: I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!

Dude, Where's My Car?

Jumpsuit Chick #1: We are not guys. We are hot chicks.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Chester: A barn?
Jesse: Is it red?
Chester: No.
Jesse: Then it's not a barn!

Dude, Where's My Car?

Alien Nordic Dude #1: We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Tania: I'm a gender-challenged male.
Jesse: What does that mean?
[Tania reveals her penis]
Jesse: Whoa! Dude, you're a dude!

Dude, Where's My Car?

Mr. Pizzacoli: [knocks on the door] Open up, you 2 slackers!
Jesse and Chester: [quietly] Mr. Pizzacoli!
Mr. Pizzacoli: You guys left work last night with 30 pizzas that didn't get delivered, and I want some answers!
Jesse and Chester: [notice the undelivered pizzas around the house] Uh-oh.
Mr. Pizzacoli: OPEN UP THIS

DAMN DOOR!
Chester: It's open!
Jesse: OHHH!
[he hits Chester]

Dude, Where's My Car?

Jesse: Hang in there, Dude.
Tortured Mannequin: [hangs in there]

Dude, Where's My Car?

[Jesse & Chester's answering machine message]
Jesse: Jesse...
Chester: ...and Chester are shibby at the moment.
Jesse: Please your shibby at the beep.
Jesse & Chester: Shibby.