Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
[Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face]

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Lance Armstrong: Could I get a bottle of water. - - Hey, aren't you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Yeah, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Yeah, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN

8. I just can't get enough of it. But, good luck in the tournament. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and

testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Lance

Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Kate Veatch: For instance, do you realize you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?
Peter La Fleur: Hmmm...
Kate Veatch: I'm curious, is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?
Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't

have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.
Kate Veatch: Well I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.
Peter La Fleur: Sad? You want to know what's sad? Six grown men playing dodgeball.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: [unrated version] Holy hell, son, you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile

and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought that I was once.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White

Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.

Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White

Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you*.
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...Touché.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: Fuckin' Chuck Norris!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Amber: Justin! I love you!
Justin: I love you t...
White Goodman: [hits Justin in the face with a Dodgeball] Joanie loves Chachi!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?


Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!