Agnes: Oh, my gosh look at that fluffy unicorn!
[Agnes looks at the unicorn with awe]
Agnes: He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?
Gru: No.
Agnes: Pretty please?
Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.
Young Gru: Mom, someday, I'm going to go to the moon.
Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my yard, and I do not appreciate it.
Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want to go.
Gru: Unless they're dead.
[laughs]
Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.
Gru: [reading the book he wrote] One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Then three little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down. They made him laugh, they made him cry. He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he can never part from those three little kittens that changed his heart.
Gru: We stole the Statue of Liberty...!
[the minions cheer]
Gru: ...the small one, from Las Vegas!
[the cheers stop]
Gru: I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower... also Vegas.
Edith: Hey, that one looks like me.
Gru: What are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.
Gru: Uh, question. What are these?
Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots. Boogie! Look at this! Watch me.
Gru: Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... old?
Dr. Nefario: And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.
[shoots a minion with the fart gun, making him pass out]
Gru: No, no, no. I said *dart* gun, not...
[grossed out]
Gru: Okay.
Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering... under what circumstances would we use this?
Gru: [Explaining why the girls can't find their book "Three Little Kittens"] That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously...
Agnes: Aw. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.
Edith: That's a Cheeto.
Agnes: Oh.
[eats it]
Vector: I'm applying for a villain loan. I go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, represented by an arrow with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, because I commit crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh yeah!
Agnes: I like him. He's nice.
Edith: He's scary.
Agnes: Like Santa.
Dr. Nefario: We have to warn him, and FAST!
[starts driving on his moped very slowly]
Agnes: Pinkie promise?
Gru: Oh yes, my pinkie promises.
Vector: [after shrinking toilet] Look at you, a little tiny toilet, for little tiny people to...
[toilet breaks, spraying water on Vector]
Vector: Ah! Curse you, tiny toilet!
