Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Sister Mary Bernard: Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Mary Alice: Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from

getting burned.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Mary Alice: Human beings are designed for many things. Loneliness isn't one of them.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Edie: I don't trust friendly women.
Lynette: That's ok, they don't trust you either.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Julie: When was the last time you had sex?
[Susan stops what she is doing]
Julie: Are you mad that I asked?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Tom: I love you because you did the right thing, and I admire your bravery.
Lynette: And I love you because you find ways to compliment me when you could just say, "I told you so."
[They kiss, then Tom says something in sign language]
Lynette: You just signed "I told you so", didn't you?
Tom: You'll

never prove it.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Carlos: We're not very nice people, are we?
Gabrielle: No. We're not.
Carlos: Aw, when we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy.
Gabrielle: Me too.
[pause]
Gabrielle: Look on the bright side - at least we're still rich.
Carlos: Thank God for

that.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

[Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant]
Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

George Williams: Well... I'll see you, Dr. Van De Kamp.
Rex: Please, you're dating my wife. Call me Rex.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Gabrielle: The only person more self-centred than me is Carlos, he's so self-centred he doesn't even know how self-centred I am.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Bree: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette: We didn't exactly forget. It's just usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Mary Alice: An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be

honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Susan: What are you smiling about?
Mike Delfino: I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. They were all just answered.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Edie: [to Bree] You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Carlos: Hey, Gabby, aren't we breast feeding?
Gabrielle: Oh, honey, if you could swing that one, more power to ya.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Gabrielle: The way I see it is that good friends support each other after something bad has happened, great friends act as if nothing has happened.
Bree: Well, then, good luck on your remodel.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Yao Lin: I don't like lies.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well I don't like your ironing. So there.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Gabrielle: Before we got married we made a deal, remember? No kids.
Carlos: Deals are meant to be renegotiated.
Gabrielle: We're not negotiating my uterus.

Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
[pause]
Bree: It's a

romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.