Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [Commenting on her shaved head] Ripley, from Alien 3!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Fuck, you're old.
Deadpool: [cackles] Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [farts] Hashtag drive-by.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [as Angel Dust walk towards them] Finish fucking her the fuck up.
Colossus: Language, please.
Deadpool: Suck a cock.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls.

Deadpool
Deadpool

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: [singing to Hollaback Girl on the radio] I heard that you were talking shit / And you didn't think that I'd hear it / People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up... This my shit, this my shit / This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible... and completely unfuckable.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: Now, I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [chasing a crippled henchman on a zamboni] That's right! You're about to be killed by a zamboni!
[beat]
Deadpool: Tell me where your fucking boss is or you're going to die! In five minutes!

Deadpool
Deadpool

Colossus: You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.
Deadpool: Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!

Deadpool
Deadpool

Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays?

Deadpool
Deadpool

[Fires at Ajax multiple times and misses]
Deadpool: Bad Deadpool!
[Shoots another bad guy in the head]
Deadpool: Good Deadpool.

Deadpool
Deadpool

[in the midst of a car crash]
Deadpool: Shit. Did I leave the stove on?

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [In the middle of a fistfight] Have you seen this man?
[holds up a crude crayon drawing of Francis]

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: [to Colossus] Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request!

Deadpool
Deadpool

Wade Wilson: Listen, I’ve been thinking.
Vanessa Carlysle: Really?
Wade Wilson: About why we’re so good together.
Vanessa Carlysle: Why is that?
Wade Wilson: Well, your crazy matches my crazy, big time.
Vanessa Carlysle: Mm.
Wade

Wilson: And, uh, we’re like two jigsaw pieces, you know, and we have curvy edges.
Vanessa Carlysle: But you fit them together and you see the picture on top.
Wade Wilson: Right.
Vanessa Carlysle: Wade, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. Only because you haven’t gotten around to asking

me. Will you, um, stick it up my a…
[Wade holds up a giant ring]
Wade Wilson: Marry me?
Vanessa Carlysle: Uh, jinx?
Wade Wilson: Huh.
Vanessa Carlysle: Where were you hiding that?
Wade Wilson: Nowhere.
[Wade and is shown to be butt-naked]

Deadpool
Deadpool

Deadpool: Daddy needs to express some rage.
[starts firing his guns]

Deadpool
Deadpool

Ajax: What's my name?
Deadpool: I'll spell it out for ya!
Deadpool: [later, after battle, has spelled out 'Francis' using bodies of bad guys]

Deadpool
Deadpool

Weasel: [to Deadpool before he heads out on a suicide mission to save Vanessa] I'd go with you, but... I don't want to.

Deadpool
Deadpool

Wade Wilson: Hey, is Ajax your actual name? Because it sounds suspiciously made up. What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott? Mitch? The Rickster?
[in British accent]
Wade Wilson: Is it Basil Fawlty?
Ajax: Oh, joke away. One thing that never survives in this place is a sense of humor.
Wade Wilson: We'll

see about that.
Ajax: I suppose we will.
Ajax: [to Angel] He's all yours.
[Ajax leaves]
Wade Wilson: Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
[Angel punches Wade]