I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.
We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.
Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!
Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.
You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.
I'm quite shy. Really. I'm trying to expand myself as a person more, get involved with people.
My agent, Jeff Andrews, suggested I write a book. For some reason. he doesn't like it when I'm not doing anything.
Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.
This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.
Give me liberty or a bran muffin!
My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!
Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?
Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!
The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.
Comedy is such a personal thing. Everybody can cry at the same thing, but it's a lot harder to get everyone to laugh at the same thing.
Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.
Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.
And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.
