It's been a misery for me, living with Christine Keeler.
I took on the sins of everybody, of a generation, really.
Discretion is the polite word for hypocrisy.
However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it.
If I don't tell it all now, the story in the history books will always be imperfect and that would be wrong.
No one else knows the whole story. I was there. I lived through it.
Even a criminal has the right to a new life, but they made sure I did not have that. They just didn't stop calling me a prostitute for ever and ever and ever and ever.
We knew we were talking about spies. I knew he knew I knew. I was digging my own grave.
As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father coming on a white horse to rescue me.
My mother used to go out on her own, and I used to have to keep a look out for my stepfather coming home.
I don't know if he was the fourth man or the fifth, but he was certainly in the top 10.
They wanted to hear about the sex, of course. But not the rest; no one wanted to hear the rest.
They came and bound me up and I had awful stretch marks. I hated my breasts after that.
The fathers, if they got me alone, would try to kiss and fondle me. I hated it.
One way of reading my life is that I have been in constant search for a father.
Men, all men, were always trying to get hold of me, you know.
I'm terrified of men these days. If someone asked me out now, I don't know what I'd say, how I'd react. But I couldn't go through with it, not at all. I suppose I've been terrified of them all along.
I won't say I didn't like it at the time, the sex, that is, because I wouldn't have let him do it at all if that had been the case.
I went out every single night so I was never alone with my stepfather. At 12, I stopped going on holiday with them. The times I was alone with him I always made sure I was all covered up.
I never found anyone who was good enough, who I could trust enough.
