Charles Bronson: [Bronson getting paid after his first fight] 20 quid? You're having a fucking laugh, ain't cha?
Paul: Oh spare me the Oliver Twist routine, Charlie love. You need to build your audience.
Charles Bronson: I gave you fucking magic in there!
Paul: Magic? You just pissed on a gypsy in the middle
of fucking nowhere. Hardly the hottest ticket in town, darling
Paul: All you need is a name.
Charles Bronson: What's wrong with Mickey Peterson.
Paul: You need a fighting name, like a movie star.
Charles Bronson: Charlton Heston.
Paul: Look, love. No one gives a toss about Charlton Heston. The man's a cunt. You're more of the Charles Bronson type.
Charles Bronson: [Desperately trying to escape from an insane asylum, Bronson meets a patient named John White who reveals that he is a child rapist. Disgusted by pedophiles and wanting to go back to prison, he unsuccessfully tries to kill White by strangulation before carried off by guards]
[Scene change, Bronson walks onto a theater stage set in his sub-conscious mind]
Charles Bronson: I would now like to reenact what I call, "When Murder Goes Wrong".
[Bronson as himself, right side facing audience]
Charles Bronson: When do I go back?
Charles Bronson (as nurse): [Bronson whips around, revealing stage make-up of a female nurse's face on his left side]
[effeminate voice and body
language]
Charles Bronson (as nurse): Now now, Mr. Peterson, we aren't going to start up all that silliness again, are we?
Charles Bronson: [whips back around to Bronson, now aggravated] Listen, Nursey, I just wanna know when my trial is and when I head back to the slammer... 'right?
Charles Bronson (as nurse): [Nurse points
at Bronson in a scolding manner] WRONG, Mr. Peterson! Now let's not play sillybuggers, eh? I'll just have to pop you in the botty with one of my special potions, mmm?
Charles Bronson: [Bronson pauses, breathes heavily] When's my trial?
Charles Bronson (as nurse): [Nurse wags finger in a condescending manner] Ah-ah-ah-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk, no. Mr.
White recovered, dear. There's no trial!
[claps gleefully]
Charles Bronson (as nurse): Isn't that wonderful? However, you are being moved.
Charles Bronson: [Bronson calms down] ... Where?
Charles Bronson (as nurse): [giggles, nods, and claps ecstatically] YES, Mr. Peterson! Broadmore Asylum for the criminally insane!
Charles Bronson: [Bronson becomes frustrated again] I deserve to go back to prison for what I did. I want my hotel room back!
Charles Bronson (as nurse): [Nurse] Well, I'm sure you'll find yourself some solitary...
[Bronson turns back to audience and bows; end of scene]
Charles Bronson: [opening hostage negotiations] Right! I've got a librarian up here, and he's in a lot of trouble!
Charles Bronson: I love you.
Alison: What?
Charles Bronson: [repeats himself] I love you.
Alison: It's been nice. But I love Brian.
Charles Bronson: [taken aback] Who's Brian?
Alison: He's my boyfriend. And he's got a motorbike.
Charles
Bronson: Brian...
[clenches his fists]
[opening monologue]
Charles Bronson: My name is Charles Bronson. All my life I wanted to be famous. I knew I was made for better things. I had a calling. I just didn't know what it is. Wasn't singing. I can't fucking act. Kinda running out of choices really, aren't we?
Charles Bronson: [Lying down on cell bed, waiting]
Andy Love: [Walks through cell door with a pile of books in hand] Alright Charlie? Fancy something to read?
[Starts arranging books on table for Charlie]
Andy Love: What you after? Got another Jilly Cooper. How you getting on with Marjorie Winslet? Heard it was going well!
Charles Bronson: [Gets up, shuts and locks cell door, turns and points at Andy] Shut your fucking mouth!
Paul: Impressive set of guns you've got there darling, you must be handy in a brawl? Bam bam, knockout, ding ding!
Charles Bronson: [Clenches fists and enters boxing stance]
Paul: [Sips tea] Ahh, very nice!
Charles Bronson: [Serving tea to a guard]
Paul: [Strolls through door, singing] Picture you upon my knee, Tea for two and two for tea, Just me for you and you for me
[takes drag from cigarette]
Charles Bronson: [Confused and points at Paul] Would you like a cuppa tea too mate?