Bridget: Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately,
is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.
Bridget: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant... After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.
Mark Darcy: Yes, I know that. I was just buying you a new one.
Mark Darcy: Bridget!
Bridget: Mark... What are you doing here?
Mark Darcy: I was just wondering if you were available for Bar Mitzvahs and Christenings in addition to Ruby Weddings.
Bridget: I thought you were in America.
Mark Darcy: Well I was... but I realized I had forgotten
something here.
Bridget: Which was...?
Mark Darcy: Well, I realized that I had forgotten to... kiss you goodbye, do you mind?
Bridget: Umm... not really, no. So... does this mean you're *not* going to America?
Mark Darcy: No... not.
Bridget: Does this mean you're staying here?
Mark Darcy: It would seem so...
Mark Darcy: [notices her friends cheering] Friends of yours?
Bridget: Oh, haha... never seen them before in my life.
Bridget: You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another... classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some
time that might be nice... more than nice.
Mark Darcy: Right, crikey.
Bridget: I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted.
Mark Darcy: No, it was the other way around. My wife. My heart.
Richard Finch: Why do you wanna work on television?
Bridget: I've got to leave my job because I shagged my boss.
Richard Finch: Fair enough. Start on Monday.
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: [to herself] Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.
[to herself]
Bridget: Maybe not.
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark is a top barrister. Comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues.
Mark Darcy: I should have done this years ago.
Daniel Cleaver: Done what?
Mark Darcy: This.
[Darcy punches Cleaver, hard]
Daniel Cleaver: Ow. Fuck me, that really hurt. What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Mark Darcy: This.
[Darcy punches Cleaver again, even harder]
Mark Darcy: [pauses during fight to sing] Happy birthday dear what's-his-name...
Tom: Well done Bridge, four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup, omelette and marmalade. I think that deserves a toast, don't you? To Bridget, who cannot cook, but who we love
[in an undertone]
Tom: just as she is.
Tom, Shazzer, Jude: To Bridget, just as she is.